Trysting Fields

It’s offically true. I resigned from Neurocam the week before last.

Here’s the report I wrote, under the guise of Crispin Black, after being appointed Director of Operations in August; the infamous Black Report. Hope it amuses.

As you can see, Mr Black and I had big plans. And we worked incredibly hard to try and realize them. I gave my entire life to Neurocam for three months. Then I was deposed by Henley in mid-November. I still don’t entirely know why. No genuine explanation has ever been forthcoming.

I managed to claw back my management position – having been running NCI singlehanded for three months, I had a fair bit of bargaining power – but by then it was really too late. I’d been frozen out, and my name had been systematically blackened within the Neuroranks.

I can see now that this was quite possibly always the plan, from day one.

Somehow, in spite of all this, I was persuaded to continue handling the operations@neurocam traffic on Assignment 411x/0x until it closed out on December 5th. Such is the hypnotic power of the Neurocam.

And I’ve retained one neurocam.com identity ever since, although she wasn’t seeing any action. I don’t know why they haven’t deleted her. Perhaps because they’re afraid of what I might do.

I still believe in the vision for Neurocam outlined in the Black Report: a kind of shamanic play-cult, a vehicle for expanding peoples’ minds and inspiring their creativity. And it still makes me sad (and angry) that this vision will now apparently never be realized, at least not in any form associated with NCI.

It seems to me now that le Cam – for all its wondrous potential – has always been, and will likely always remain, very little more than an excuse for Mr Robin Hely and his shifting cast of hypnotised suckers to jerk people around like so many dead-eyed marionettes, for the private masturbatory gratification of Mr Robin Hely.

Oh well.

I learned a lot from the experience.

It has certainly been quite the ride.

We will not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time

or

2005: Year of the Neurocam

The mysterious organisation known as Neurocam has been a significant force in my life this year. To what ultimate end, I’m still not entirely sure. And if I were, I sincerely doubt I’d be in any position to tell you.

But so much has happened, and I could hardly let the year’s end pass without giving it some full circle.

I applied to join Neurocam on the 19th of December last year, did my initial Perception Assessment on January 3rd, and became an Operative on January 14th.

I started my original Neuroblog on the 20th of January.

And the rest, as they say, etcetera.

There have been tears; there has been laughter (not a little of it evil).

Some day the whole sordid story will be told. But not today.

Some of the reportable highlights included:

• Assignment NCI-7061 (Bolte Bridge) in February.
• Assignment NTC-5781/01 (Chess) in April.
• Assignment MIA-0009/05 (Induction) in May.
• Burning The Magus in July.

Having finally read every bromidic accursed goddamn page.

(Although it was really just an excuse to use my sister’s temporarily-vacant house to host a dinner party, the burning of The Magus marked a pivotal point in my relationship with Neurocam.

John Fowles died four months later. Complete coincidence.)

• The (unofficial) Neurocouncil later that month.
• Meeting Mr Robert Henley in August.

Quite the experience. I’d tell you all about it, but then I’d have to trace your IP and kill you.

Oh, yeah – the virtual (and not-so-virtual) menagerie of freaks unique and wonderful individuals I’ve encountered via the Neurosphere probably warrant some mention as well.

I know I’ve been a bit aloof lately (things. have been. crazy.), but I cherish and treasure you all, you freaks. *wipes tear*

It’s been fun. One cannot complain.