Monthly Archives: November 2006

If You’re Happy And You Know It

Or alternately, if you’re miserable and you know it – and it’s just no good at all



If you’re happy and you know it,
And you really wanna show it,
If you’re happy and you know it… clap your hands!


I feel better already.

Despite – he said, by way of explanation – the depressing fact that I have failed.

I am A Failure; one who has failed. That is What I Am.


It’s the last day of November. And despite my best intentions, I have failed to write a 50,000-word novel.

I gave it a good old Aussie go, though. Really, truly did!

But I didn’t write 50,000 words – and I didn’t finish it. And it’s dead now. It doesn’t want to be worked on any more. It has become a stinky moribund dead project that pains me and makes me annoyed at myself. And it’s bad when you annoy yourself.

Winces, girds loins, drives a stake through its beloved heart.

It’s dead. RIP, first attempt at writing a novel.

The silver lining is, I’m actually well pleased with the 37,566 words I did write. They came out great.


Which was really the problem. They were too good. Consequently, somewhere along the line, I forgot to not take myself seriously. Which is the whole big-thing point of NaNoWriMo. You can write a stupid 50,000 word novel in a month. But unless you are a bona fide literary genius, you can’t write a good one. Forget about it.

I’m tempted to quote Alanis Morrisette at this juncture. But for everyone’s sake, I shall abstain.

The point is: I’m, like, trying to be philosophical and shit. I feel pain now, but I know the venture was far from a dead loss. In the end, I got more out of it than I would have if I hadn’t undertaken it. And in any case, I’ve lost nothing. Just a ride. Etcetera.


In other shittiness news, nobody but a handful of stalwarts – it seems – can come to our party.

Again, I don’t feel too bad about it. It’s getting towards That Time Of Year; everybody has lots of prior engagements. A bunch of people came to the last one – and most if not all appeared to genuinely have a good time. So it’s not like this is a sign that all our friends secretly hate our guts, or think our parties suck.


Finally, congratulations are in order to Mr Tripto Deluxe, who jumped on board my NaNo bandwagon and then kicked my ass right off the damn thing by actually finishing his book.

Kudos to you, my friend. Kudos to you. No, I wouldn’t come to my party either. You have better things to do. Course you do. We’re not really going to kill you. That was totally, like, an empty threat. Course it was.

Love your work.


Oh, man – that’s the shit, right there.


Oh yeah. Oh yeah.


Excuse me, I have to be alone with my hands for a while.


Filed under Art, Benevolence, Damage Control, Failure, NaNoWriMo, People, Philosophica, Self Analysis, some do it fast, some do it better in smaller amounts, Weblogs

Man, I Just, Like, Voted

I wasn’t planning to originally, but Semi talked me into it on the grounds that the Greens will likely take some seats away from serious politicians, which is always a good cause. I hope he is having fun at Earthcore. I imagine that he is.

I just voted for the Greens whilst tripping on leftover cactus, partly in his honor. I’m sure Bob Brown (with whom I once shared a taxi, whilst dressed as a giant koala – i’m sure it wasn’t just a dream) would not disapprove. I tried to imagine what John Howard would feel. I tried to imagine him feeling pain in some way. How I tried. But all I could see was him going “stupid hippies; ah well, *shrugs*, they will all self-destruct soon enough anyway”, and not understanding at all. Which kind of pissed me off, but did at least make me feel like, in some obscure way, I had not done entirely the wrong thing.

Now I am trying to decide whether to watch The Dark Crystal again. I fell asleep before the end last time.

~ has suggested to me that the girl Gelfling ultimately dies; but I feel sure that this cannot be the whole truth. Henson and Oz would not do that to me. They would not dare.

I will watch their silly movie, in any case. They can bring it. Doesn’t matter if the chick dies; the whole healed-crystal thing redundifies such petty concerns.

Yes, it does.


Filed under Art, Benevolence, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Desperation, Dreams, Drugs, Food, Genius, Heh, Here Is The News, Illusion Of Time, left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is, Life Is Good, Movies, Music, Night Time, Nothing, People, Pictures Of Lady J, Self Analysis, Sex, Weblogs, Whack

I Got Nothing

Desolee, blog.

The novel is progressing well enough though.

Admittedly at this stage it seems like hitting 50,000 words by the end of the month will take a miracle. But they happen occasionally.

What’s actually troubling me more, stupidly enough, is that I still have no idea what to call the damn thing.

In other news, party at Chez Hagakure on December 2nd. Tell your friends. And if you have no friends.. hey, come alone. Maybe you’ll meet some.

Here is yet another picture of LJ:

That is all.


Filed under NaNoWriMo, Nothing, Pictures Of Lady J

C’est L’Hamish

To make a Hamish, you will need:

The Spirits You Need To Make A Hamish
Peach schnapps & vodka

The Juice You Need To Make A Hamish
Orange juice, sparkling apple juice and passionfruit juice (if you can find it)

Ice, Which You Will Also Need Some Of

Step One: Mix juices to taste.

Mix Juices

Step Two: Add 1 shot of vodka and two shots of peach schnapps.

Add Spirits

Step Three: Decant over ice. (The ice is important.)

Decanting The Hamish

Et Voila:

Et Voila, C'est L'Hamish


Filed under Art, Drunkenness, Photos, Pimpage, Weblogs

The New Spirituality interests him.

If you have not yet discovered the genius that is Alcuin & Flutterby, perhaps now is the time.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Genius, Pimpage, Weblogs

Here Is Another Picture Of Lady J

Yes, Kate – you should be nervous. I recommend leg extensions. Also, you never write to me anymore. You think just because you’ve been in a couple of shitty movies you don’t even have to try.

But let’s face it – y’ain’t getting any younger. And quite frankly your silly, pampered Hollywood showponyage is starting to piss me off.

Time to wake up and smell the Red Bull concentrate, woman.

You’ve been supplanted.


Filed under Here Is The News, People, Photos, Sex

Read My Friend Dave’s Blog

One of my oldest living friends – which is not to say that he’s really old, just that most of my friends dating from his era of my life have either died or I’m not friends with them any more – now has a blog.

He’s really good; I consider him a top-quality friend. If I were you, I would definitely give some serious consideration to the very real option of reading his blog.

It’s fun and it’s free, just like the Scientology personality test. Except even better, because your chances of being seduced into joining a dodgy pseudo-scientific quasi-religious cult created by a sadistic maniac that will brainwash you and take all your money are relatively small.

Read Dave’s blog.


Filed under History, People, Pimpage, Weblogs

DIY Russian Cocaine

I will always be grateful to T. for introducing me to Russian Cocaine.

He really had the devil in his eyes tonight. Note to Semi – was it an exams thing?

Russian Cocaine 1 Russian Cocaine 2

Russian Cocaine 3


Filed under Drunkenness, Life Is Good, Photos

Some Days It’s Great To Be Alive

Have a nice funeral, fuckhead.

Sure hope no one accidentally drops a cluster bomb on it, killing your entire extended family and anybody who ever gave two shits about you.

Just kidding! Actually, I hope someone does. That would be funny as hell.

(To give him his due, it’s true he certainly had quite the way with words…)

Now please excuse me, dear readers; serious drinking etc

Splendiferous weekend wishes to you all!


Filed under Current Affairs, Evil, Heh, w0ot

In Other News

Everybody should watch The Hamish Show. I have been catching up on old posts episodes this evening; it is a great blog show.

This one in particular is the best ever!!

(In semi-related news: I just reinstated my notorious Neurocam-destroying post from February, in response to several requests I have received over the last little while. If you were wondering what all this ‘Phase Two’ malarky was really all about – there you go. It was me. I lit the Chicago Fire, I killed the baby Jesus etc. And this here should be considered my absolute final public word on the accursed subject of the Neurocam.)

Should I light my cherry cigar? I just can’t decide. I think it may be called for; it really is that good of a post episode.

UPDATE – I lit it. But I can’t take a picture, coz ~ has my camera again and there is no waking him at this hour of the morning.

Life, eh?

2nd UPDATE – And now someone is bashing on our front door, but I’m not going to answer it; it’s probably for him. Fuck it, they’re not going away and it’s getting on my nerves; I guess I will. I hope it is not Robin Hely. For his sake, obviously. Heh.

3rd UPDATE – It was ~’s friend Film Student Boy; he was incredibly drunk. He just came into my room and wouldn’t stop apologising, because he could see I didn’t really forgive him. So I had to look him in the eye and pretend that I didn’t mind him virtually bashing down our front door drunkenly at three o’clock in the morning, to make him go away the hell out of my room.

I wish I had some weed.

This cigar is no substitute.


Filed under Art, Evil, Genius, People, Weblogs

Recent Correspondence

From: Trysting Fields Central Communications
To: JoBean
Date: 8 November 2006 10:45:32 PM

> 😀  I have enough trouble coming up with my own posts, m’dear.
> And you want me think of topics for you as well?

You seem to be doing okay.. slow but not short of content

> How about the fact that I went into a pet shop the other day and saw
> me some kittens.

You want me to post on *my* blog about what *you’ve* been up to? Tript‘s right.

> Yay kitten season!  

Yay! I saw two cats fucking for the first time ever the other night; it was well surreal and shit

Everything is surreal at the moment; I blame the racing carnival

I was saying to LJ this morning: the streets are filled with outrageously drunk women in slutty dresses and ridiculous hats; singing, getting into fights, throwing up, falling over

At all hours of the day and night

No one bats an eye, that’s standard in Melbourne at this time of year

Freewheeling, zany-ass city that we are

I was trying to sell Melbourne to her

Do you think that will work?

> You should call  those places again if you  want  one  😀

Thanks for the tip 😛


But too busy! Too busy!

I have to catch up on Adam’s blog too, I haven’t read it for ages and ages and ages; his posts are gold but they’re too long

So much to do! So little weed. Indeed none at all; it’s becoming unacceptable

Get it sorted, “Johana”

Honestly, sometimes I wonder why we are still friends

You never send me flowers, you never have any weed when *I* need it

We may have to see about your license to practice if this whack continues

Much love,



Filed under Current Affairs, Desperation, Drugs, Heh, Life, People, Weblogs, Whack

Planning / Love




Filed under Art, Audio, Found, Heh, Photos