Monthly Archives: February 2007

Announcement: The Purple Turtle Is Closing Down On Saturday

Equals no more dollar pot Tuesdays. This is sad. But all things must pass, I suppose. He sighed philosophically, etc.

The chef was giving everyone Turtle stamps last night as a kind of farewell gesture. If you go in before Saturday you might be able to get one too.


By this device, friends of the Purple Turtle may recognise each other in their time of grief. Until the ink fades, at which point there will be no Purple Turtle to be a friend of anymore.

So it goes.

In other news, I started Uni this week. It’s going good so far.

More Announcements pending.


Filed under Death, Photos

Please Stand By

There will be Announcements.


Filed under Here Is The News

Man Lying On Road Hit By Car

In other news: *insert punchline here*


Filed under Current Affairs, The End Is Nigh, Whack

At Last, Death In The Afternoon

You will need:

The largest bottle of La Fee Bohemian Absinth that you can reasonably afford.
5 cl of Bohemian Absinth

A bottle of ‘bubbly’.

A clean vegemite jar.
Vegemite jar

Step 1: Place a shot of absinthe in the jar.
Step 1: Place a shot of absinthe in the jar

Step 2: Fill the remainder of the jar with champagne.
Step 2: Fill the remainder of the jar with champagne

Step 3: Drink, without feeling the need to entertain yourself with temperance.
Step 3: Drink, without feeling the need to entertain yourself with temperance

Step 4: I can’t remember what comes after Step 3. Or my own name.
This photo really requires no caption

Another success story for the Neue Sachlichkeit therapeutic method.


Filed under Damage Control, Drunkenness, Photos, Victory

From Our Woman In Costa Rica

Hard communique. (“A postcard”, in the vernacular.)

Postcard from Smell


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Filed under Here Is The News, People, Photos, Travel

Response To DJ Ravine’s Video Review Of ‘Mother

This was originally rendered as a video (y’know, duh), but the video component didn’t really work out. I almost canned it completely but in the end I decided the audio was worth salvaging.


Filed under Audio, Drugs, Here Is The News

People Are Always Saying To Me

“Teigs,” they say, “your joining Are You Hungry is an extraordinary achievement. You must feel very satisfied that all your hard years of struggle have finally paid off.” And I look at them like they are crazy.

Taking their cue from this, they then invariably continue: “But yeah, you know, I guess you’re right; somehow the whole thing does seem kind of shallow, empty and meaningless.. without desktop wallpaper.”

So I made some.

That shut them up.

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Filed under Are You Hungry, Art, Auto-Pimpage

Actually, Y’Know, We All Have Voices In Our Heads; Some People’s Are Just Much More Interesting Than Yours

Frikken’ amateurs. No, really. Check this out.


How many untreated episoding psychotics do you know who could complete a Master’s degree, incidentally? Kudos.

(And since we’re on the subject, how many ‘treated’ ones do you know who could do this? I’ll tell you: none. Go off your meds, kids, etc.)


Filed under Discombobulation, Evil, The End Is Nigh, Whack

The Age Is Killer With The One Liners

I just read an article from Melbourne’s premier daily broadsheet which reports that Melbourne City Council has opted to cease hiring private investigators to patronise illegal brothels (and not in the sense of talking down to them inappropriately) for the purpose of busting said establishments.

It opened with the unforgettable line: “Melbourne City Council has decided to stop paying for sex.”

Curiously enough, the story now seems to have been taken down. But I swear I saw it.

UPDATE – Thinking about it, surely such a practice would be completely illegal. Patronising illegal brothels.. is illegal. I wonder if the whole piece was some kind of prank.


Filed under Current Affairs, Heh

My Audacity Has Paid Off

I am delighted to announce that on the strength of my genius, I have been invited by the legendary Nada Awad to displace her sister as the second full-time member of Are You Hungry.

I would also like to announce that we will be embarking on a major European tour next month on the back of our award-winning and critically acclaimed quintuple platinum forthcoming album “Chicken Has Gonorrhea”.

It’s true! I really would like to announce that.


Filed under Are You Hungry, Art, Chaos, Genius, Here Is The News, Music, People, The End Is Nigh, w0ot

I Wrote A Song About Adam

It’s called “Adam Tenex”. From conception to completion, the entire project took six and a half minutes. I am a genius.

I am going to submit this to Are You Hungry as an audition demo. I think they could use my genius.

UPDATE – I made a better version. This one took about an hour.


Filed under Art, Audio, Genius, Music, People


This pizza is Super Special. The people who sold it to us told us this. It must be true.

Super Special pizza

We are going to watch Withnail & I now. Yiz can all get comprehensively fucked.

That is all.

Coming soon: Death In The Afternoon.


Filed under Drunkenness, Food, Life, Photos, Sex, Victory

New Trainers

I forgot to mention a fulfilled ambition:

New trainers

These were purchased in a non-English speaking country and as such I was unable to apply the Bentendo methodology.

But new trainers are new trainers, in anyone’s language.

In other news: Delta Goodrem is ill again, suggesting we can expect a new album soon. But will the lightning strike twice? Enquiring Mind Control ™ aficionados want to know.


Filed under Photos, Victory

Here Is An Audio Version Of That Comment


Filed under Art, Audio, Evil, Hate, Heh, Neurocam

In Other News

This is the second British school to be blighted by a giant phallus.

The end is nigh.


Filed under The End Is Nigh