Category Archives: Art
What Would You Do
.. if you could get away with it?
* * *
(UPDATE – Note to the person who just entered “rejoin Neurocam”: you can. They will take pretty much anyone. Even I, the most hated-on man in ex-Camland, could probably rejoin if I wanted to. Especially if I used a new name. Why you would want to is a mystery, because it’s a laughable shambles overseen by a compulsively manipulative, pathologically self-centred fuckhead from hell. But hey, go for it.)
I’ve So Finished
.. the long-overdue task of tabulating the fiddly stats in my stuff i did last year post. I was unable to compile them in Manchester because I had (a) insufficient access to the relevant data and (b) much better things to do.
I so have! They’re at the bottom of the page, if you’re interested. Alternately, you could just follow the link up there. Or, y’know, you could go and do something else entirely. See if I care, dear reader. See if I give a fuck.
Hey, you could go and visit Nada. She just posted, which is an event these days.
I like Nada. But then I’m a Nadaist; I think it’s probably compulsory. Even if I wasn’t a Nadaist I would probably still like her, though. Honest.
Speaking of returns from the dead: as some people reading this will know, I was becoming a bit concerned about the status of my housemate ~ who mysteriously completely vanished off the face of the earth on Thursday night; I’ve seen neither hide nor hair of him since.
But all is well; he turned up at about 9pm this evening, looking very sunburnt. Turns out he’d simply taken an impromptu trip to the coast, where his phone died. There’s a lot of it about.
After a touching reunion, we watched Press Gang whilst I designed a new logo for my media company on “the old one was a pile of shit” grounds.
Life is good.
That is all.
Filed under Art, Auto-Pimpage, Domestica, Life Is Good, People, Weblogs
How To Become A Cult Leader
Adam already posted this, but because it’s genius and because I can see that you’re special, dear reader, I wanted to share it with you personally. In my opinion, you deserve no less.
No, there’s no need to thank me. You’re doing all the work. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. You’re special. You’re special. I love you. I love you. Kill your parents. Kill your teachers. Kill your so-called friends. Kill yourself. You don’t really exist anyway. Deep down you know it’s true. That is all.
(PS You’re special.)
Stuff I Did This Year
- Broke up an eight-year marriage, arguably
- Destroyed Neurocam, according to some (Neurocam continues to function in a lame, shadow-of-its-former-self kind of way)
- Bought my first DVD player
- Visited Sydney
- Took LSD for the first time
- Moved from a cupboard in St Kilda to a house in Fitzroy (the first house I have lived in for five years, fact fans)
- Had a bit of a fucking breakdown
- Collaborated in the creation of a singularly unsuccessful gated community for Neurocam graduates
- Took mescaline for the first time, in the form of San Pedro cactus (and on two subsequent occasions)
- Turned 30, legally speaking
- Took ecstacy for the first time
- Threw my first proper party (and my second)
- Took magic mushrooms (and went to a soccer match) for the first time
- Hosted my first Zenarchist Coffee Ceremony
- Finally gave up and got a MySpace page
- Spent Christmas in Geneva, Switzerland and new year in Manchester, England
- Made my first album
- Started my first business
- Attempted (ultimately unsuccessfully) to write a 50,000-word novel in a month
- Kept one ongoing blog, and co-created & contributed to another, for a combined output of 20,253 words, 344 photos, 10 videos & 31 audio recordings (comprising 16 songs, 12 audio messages, and 3 miscellaneous)
- Wrote approximately 458,000 words of email to 92 recipients (& received approximately 506,000 words of email from 128 correspondents, not including machines)
- Spent 164 hours at the gym
- Held five ongoing paid jobs, of which I lost two, quit one, and currently retain two
- Amongst other things
Filed under Art, Here Is The News, History, Life, NaNoWriMo, Neurocam, Self Analysis, Travel, Weblogs, Work
Greetings From Rainy Manchester
Filed under Art, Current Affairs, Dreams, Evil, Heh, Life Is Good, People, Photos, Pictures Of Lady J, Travel
What I Got For Christmas
Yemeni coffee, British cigarettes and Cuban white rum
Jellybeans & chocolate
Facial care products
Art
A scarf
A yoyo
A flipbook
Amongst other things.
Vale Tript
*tips hat*
Sad day.
In other news, thank you to the anonymous person who ingeniously sent me this in a way I couldn’t respond to:
If you are who I think you are – you’re funny. And if I don’t know you, that’s even funnier.
Tell me – do you get curiously predictable headaches and phantom mice in your bed at 4am, too?
Filed under Art, Benevolence, Dreams, Evil, Heh, Night Time, Nothing, People, Weblogs
If You’re Happy And You Know It
Or alternately, if you’re miserable and you know it – and it’s just no good at all…
CLAP. YOUR. HANDS.
CLAP! CLAP!
If you’re happy and you know it,
And you really wanna show it,
If you’re happy and you know it… clap your hands!
CLAP! CLAP!
I feel better already.
Despite – he said, by way of explanation – the depressing fact that I have failed.
I am A Failure; one who has failed. That is What I Am.
CLAP! CLAP!
It’s the last day of November. And despite my best intentions, I have failed to write a 50,000-word novel.
I gave it a good old Aussie go, though. Really, truly did!
But I didn’t write 50,000 words – and I didn’t finish it. And it’s dead now. It doesn’t want to be worked on any more. It has become a stinky moribund dead project that pains me and makes me annoyed at myself. And it’s bad when you annoy yourself.
Winces, girds loins, drives a stake through its beloved heart.
It’s dead. RIP, first attempt at writing a novel.
The silver lining is, I’m actually well pleased with the 37,566 words I did write. They came out great.
CLAP! CLAP!
Which was really the problem. They were too good. Consequently, somewhere along the line, I forgot to not take myself seriously. Which is the whole big-thing point of NaNoWriMo. You can write a stupid 50,000 word novel in a month. But unless you are a bona fide literary genius, you can’t write a good one. Forget about it.
I’m tempted to quote Alanis Morrisette at this juncture. But for everyone’s sake, I shall abstain.
The point is: I’m, like, trying to be philosophical and shit. I feel pain now, but I know the venture was far from a dead loss. In the end, I got more out of it than I would have if I hadn’t undertaken it. And in any case, I’ve lost nothing. Just a ride. Etcetera.
CLAP! CLAP!
In other shittiness news, nobody but a handful of stalwarts – it seems – can come to our party.
Again, I don’t feel too bad about it. It’s getting towards That Time Of Year; everybody has lots of prior engagements. A bunch of people came to the last one – and most if not all appeared to genuinely have a good time. So it’s not like this is a sign that all our friends secretly hate our guts, or think our parties suck.
CLAP! CLAP!
Finally, congratulations are in order to Mr Tripto Deluxe, who jumped on board my NaNo bandwagon and then kicked my ass right off the damn thing by actually finishing his book.
Kudos to you, my friend. Kudos to you. No, I wouldn’t come to my party either. You have better things to do. Course you do. We’re not really going to kill you. That was totally, like, an empty threat. Course it was.
Love your work.
CLAP! CLAP!
Oh, man – that’s the shit, right there.
CLAP! CLAP!
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
CLAP! CLAP!
Excuse me, I have to be alone with my hands for a while.
Man, I Just, Like, Voted
I wasn’t planning to originally, but Semi talked me into it on the grounds that the Greens will likely take some seats away from serious politicians, which is always a good cause. I hope he is having fun at Earthcore. I imagine that he is.
I just voted for the Greens whilst tripping on leftover cactus, partly in his honor. I’m sure Bob Brown (with whom I once shared a taxi, whilst dressed as a giant koala – i’m sure it wasn’t just a dream) would not disapprove. I tried to imagine what John Howard would feel. I tried to imagine him feeling pain in some way. How I tried. But all I could see was him going “stupid hippies; ah well, *shrugs*, they will all self-destruct soon enough anyway”, and not understanding at all. Which kind of pissed me off, but did at least make me feel like, in some obscure way, I had not done entirely the wrong thing.
Now I am trying to decide whether to watch The Dark Crystal again. I fell asleep before the end last time.
~ has suggested to me that the girl Gelfling ultimately dies; but I feel sure that this cannot be the whole truth. Henson and Oz would not do that to me. They would not dare.
I will watch their silly movie, in any case. They can bring it. Doesn’t matter if the chick dies; the whole healed-crystal thing redundifies such petty concerns.
Yes, it does.
Filed under Art, Benevolence, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Desperation, Dreams, Drugs, Food, Genius, Heh, Here Is The News, Illusion Of Time, left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is, Life Is Good, Movies, Music, Night Time, Nothing, People, Pictures Of Lady J, Self Analysis, Sex, Weblogs, Whack
C’est L’Hamish
To make a Hamish, you will need:
Peach schnapps & vodka
Orange juice, sparkling apple juice and passionfruit juice (if you can find it)
Ice
Step One: Mix juices to taste.
Step Two: Add 1 shot of vodka and two shots of peach schnapps.
Step Three: Decant over ice. (The ice is important.)
Et Voila:
Filed under Art, Drunkenness, Photos, Pimpage, Weblogs
In Other News
Everybody should watch The Hamish Show. I have been catching up on old posts episodes this evening; it is a great blog show.
This one in particular is the best ever!!
(In semi-related news: I just reinstated my notorious Neurocam-destroying post from February, in response to several requests I have received over the last little while. If you were wondering what all this ‘Phase Two’ malarky was really all about – there you go. It was me. I lit the Chicago Fire, I killed the baby Jesus etc. And this here should be considered my absolute final public word on the accursed subject of the Neurocam.)
Should I light my cherry cigar? I just can’t decide. I think it may be called for; it really is that good of a post episode.
UPDATE – I lit it. But I can’t take a picture, coz ~ has my camera again and there is no waking him at this hour of the morning.
Life, eh?
2nd UPDATE – And now someone is bashing on our front door, but I’m not going to answer it; it’s probably for him. Fuck it, they’re not going away and it’s getting on my nerves; I guess I will. I hope it is not Robin Hely. For his sake, obviously. Heh.
3rd UPDATE – It was ~’s friend Film Student Boy; he was incredibly drunk. He just came into my room and wouldn’t stop apologising, because he could see I didn’t really forgive him. So I had to look him in the eye and pretend that I didn’t mind him virtually bashing down our front door drunkenly at three o’clock in the morning, to make him go away the hell out of my room.
I wish I had some weed.
This cigar is no substitute.