Category Archives: Use Of A Telephone For A Fictitious Purpose
It’s certainly been a memorable one. I liked it much better than last year’s.
Prize for the best party guest who wasn’t there physically but came in essence goes to Wads. Prize for the most missed party absentee is a tie between Em and this chick. Prize for the best party guest who did attend physically, but who I unfortunately never actually got around to talking to is a three-way tie between Li, Kav, and The Major. Prize for the best (if maybe in hindsight somewhat regrettable) picture of a My Little Cthulhu Bunny goes to Magnus.
Prize for the most devastating headfuckery goes to my housemate & ex-fiancee. Prize for the most comically hypocritical abusive emails goes to Henley. Prize for the most awesome drunken deep & meaningful alleyway convo goes to Liv. I’m not sure what exactly to award the artist formerly known as Semi, but I suspect he deserves a prize of some kind – or that if he doesn’t now, he may well before too long.
Prize for the most broken nose goes to Luke. Prize for the most blood cheerfully & unsolicitedly cleaned up as a result of a broken nose goes to Harrie. Prize for the driest one-liners (always) and best wildlife photography goes to Ramm. Prize for the best shisha lesson goes to Nichk. Prize for the heterosexual male with the most sophisticated understanding of little girls’ pop music (and also the special award for getting locked in the enclosed garden off my bedroom by a
psycho chick person I’m sure is lovely once you get to know her, and then being too wasted to think of calling someone to let him out) goes to Grimsey.
Prize for the best nail-painting (and best former housemate ever) goes to Cel. Prize for the best hungover breakfast-making and tidying up goes to Kat. Prize for the oldest and most enduring friend goes to Bentendo. Prize for the best anonymous benefactor goes to whoever sent me the copy of M2M‘s second album I found in my mailbox yesterday.
Prize for the best present (y’know, apart from causing me to be born in the first place and shit) goes to my parents.
Prize for the best sister in the entire fucking world goes to this bitch.
Prize for the best mistress (and inexpressible amounts of gratitude & love) goes to Schnozzie.
So long, the so-called Real World. It was nice knowing you. In some aspects.
ION: O. M. F. G. Why was I not told about this?! (That’s what I get for not reading the news, I guess.)
Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, “I’ve been raped by a wombat”.
It is my ambition to be charged with this offense someday.
Update (Fri 4th). This guy is my new hero.