Monthly Archives: February 2007

February 28, 2007 · 8:31 pm

Announcement: The Purple Turtle Is Closing Down On Saturday

Equals no more dollar pot Tuesdays. This is sad. But all things must pass, I suppose. He sighed philosophically, etc.

The chef was giving everyone Turtle stamps last night as a kind of farewell gesture. If you go in before Saturday you might be able to get one too.

By this device, friends of the Purple Turtle may recognise each other in their time of grief. Until the ink fades, at which point there will be no Purple Turtle to be a friend of anymore.

So it goes.

In other news, I started Uni this week. It’s going good so far.

More Announcements pending.

7 Comments

Filed under Death, Photos

February 25, 2007 · 1:03 pm

Please Stand By

There will be Announcements.

2 Comments

Filed under Here Is The News

February 16, 2007 · 9:36 pm

Man Lying On Road Hit By Car

In other news: *insert punchline here*

13 Comments

Filed under Current Affairs, The End Is Nigh, Whack

February 15, 2007 · 11:22 am

At Last, Death In The Afternoon

You will need:

The largest bottle of La Fee Bohemian Absinth that you can reasonably afford.

A bottle of ‘bubbly’.

A clean vegemite jar.

Step 1: Place a shot of absinthe in the jar.

Step 2: Fill the remainder of the jar with champagne.

Step 3: Drink, without feeling the need to entertain yourself with temperance.

Step 4: I can’t remember what comes after Step 3. Or my own name.

Another success story for the Neue Sachlichkeit therapeutic method.

9 Comments

Filed under Damage Control, Drunkenness, Photos, Victory

February 14, 2007 · 10:19 am

From Our Woman In Costa Rica

Hard communique. (“A postcard”, in the vernacular.)

Bless.

Response To DJ Ravine’s Video Review Of ‘Mother‘

This was originally rendered as a video (y’know, duh), but the video component didn’t really work out. I almost canned it completely but in the end I decided the audio was worth salvaging.

8 Comments

Filed under Audio, Drugs, Here Is The News

February 11, 2007 · 2:03 pm

People Are Always Saying To Me

“Teigs,” they say, “your joining Are You Hungry is an extraordinary achievement. You must feel very satisfied that all your hard years of struggle have finally paid off.” And I look at them like they are crazy.

Taking their cue from this, they then invariably continue: “But yeah, you know, I guess you’re right; somehow the whole thing does seem kind of shallow, empty and meaningless.. without desktop wallpaper.”

So I made some.

That shut them up.

Actually, Y’Know, We All Have Voices In Our Heads; Some People’s Are Just Much More Interesting Than Yours

Frikken’ amateurs. No, really. Check this out.

Heh.

How many untreated episoding psychotics do you know who could complete a Master’s degree, incidentally? Kudos.

(And since we’re on the subject, how many ‘treated’ ones do you know who could do this? I’ll tell you: none. Go off your meds, kids, etc.)

6 Comments

Filed under Discombobulation, Evil, The End Is Nigh, Whack

February 6, 2007 · 11:18 am

The Age Is Killer With The One Liners

I just read an article from Melbourne’s premier daily broadsheet which reports that Melbourne City Council has opted to cease hiring private investigators to patronise illegal brothels (and not in the sense of talking down to them inappropriately) for the purpose of busting said establishments.

It opened with the unforgettable line: “Melbourne City Council has decided to stop paying for sex.”

Curiously enough, the story now seems to have been taken down. But I swear I saw it.

UPDATE – Thinking about it, surely such a practice would be completely illegal. Patronising illegal brothels.. is illegal. I wonder if the whole piece was some kind of prank.

6 Comments

Filed under Current Affairs, Heh

· 1:49 am

My Audacity Has Paid Off

I am delighted to announce that on the strength of my genius, I have been invited by the legendary Nada Awad to displace her sister as the second full-time member of Are You Hungry.

I would also like to announce that we will be embarking on a major European tour next month on the back of our award-winning and critically acclaimed quintuple platinum forthcoming album “Chicken Has Gonorrhea”.

It’s true! I really would like to announce that.

8 Comments

Filed under Are You Hungry, Art, Chaos, Genius, Here Is The News, Music, People, The End Is Nigh, w0ot

February 4, 2007 · 12:03 pm

I Wrote A Song About Adam

It’s called “Adam Tenex”. From conception to completion, the entire project took six and a half minutes. I am a genius.

I am going to submit this to Are You Hungry as an audition demo. I think they could use my genius.

UPDATE – I made a better version. This one took about an hour.

3 Comments

Filed under Art, Audio, Genius, Music, People

February 3, 2007 · 3:34 am

Kitsune

This pizza is Super Special. The people who sold it to us told us this. It must be true.

We are going to watch Withnail & I now. Yiz can all get comprehensively fucked.

That is all.

Coming soon: Death In The Afternoon.

5 Comments

Filed under Drunkenness, Food, Life, Photos, Sex, Victory

February 2, 2007 · 1:23 pm

New Trainers

I forgot to mention a fulfilled ambition:

These were purchased in a non-English speaking country and as such I was unable to apply the Bentendo methodology.

But new trainers are new trainers, in anyone’s language.

In other news: Delta Goodrem is ill again, suggesting we can expect a new album soon. But will the lightning strike twice? Enquiring Mind Control ™ aficionados want to know.