It’s a bit hard to to know where to start.


So my computer’s sound recording facilities had been playing up, right. Had been for a while. It was no good. I wanted to make an album.

Thus on the morning of January 15th, I called a taxi and took the old gel into town to be serviced. They told me it would take four days. It wound up taking three weeks. But they did it.

In the meantime, I got totally hacked. First teigan@gmail.com, then [mylegalname]@gmail.com, my blog and my Facebook accounts all stopped accepting their passwords across the final week of January.

On Friday the 8th of February, I got my computer back. On Saturday, I threw a party. This is where we came in.

Upon getting reputered, I created some special email accounts and conducted a few experiments. Via these I established to a high degree of likelihood that my hacker was good old Henley. Somewhat predictably, I lost my shit at him.

On Tuesday 12th, I attempted to boot my newly restored digital handmaiden only to discover that – four days after returning home to me – she had totally, totally died.

I was ‘puterless once more.

Then the following night – Valentine’s Eve, no less – none other than Henley’s girlfriend, a former close associate of mine, claimed responsibility for the hacking via SMS.

Leave the poor petal alone, she said. He’s innocent.

I was skeptical at first, but when she told me that teigan@gmail was wide open for resetting (Quick! Jump up and find an open internet cafe at 2am etc), I realised she was probably telling at least some weird Lady-J-since-she-turned-feral version of the truth.

Why had the former love of my life done this to me? She’d written to me at another account, she said – one of the ones she hadn’t violated and locked me out of – explaining everything.

Only problem was, I had (of course) been changing all my passwords like a demon – without having gotten around to making a backup or a hard copy of any of them. From my computer. Which had since – you will recall – dropped totally, totally dead.

In other words I was now not only ‘puterless and locked out of my hacked accounts, but ‘puterless and locked out of all my internet accounts.

Then in the early hours of Sunday 17th, Wouters dropped my last remaining link to civilisation phone in a full glass of bourbon & coke.


Various people have eased my journey through this Durdenesque ordeal, and thanks are due.

Mishuki of Hagakure 419 fame was good enough to let me use hir Facebook profile. My colleague in social research, fellow FB tragic and soon-to-be-housemate Celestine has been extremely generous with her 3G handset, enabling me to update my status in something akin to the style to which I’ve become compulsively accustomed. Thad gave me a safe-haven email account on his server. And last Tuesday, having learned that my dead six-year-old eMac would cost $700 to reanimate, my long-suffering parents offered to buy me a MacBook. Which was very nice of them.

I picked it up this morning. I’m using it now. It’s lovely.

(I’d take a picture but since the destruction of my phone I’ve got no working digital camera, except the one inside said MacBook. And its eye is not prehensile. But here’s a picture of the box:

I haven't decided what to call it yet)

And now I have my accounts back.

Things are gradually returning to some semblance of what passes for ‘normal’ on Planet Teigan.

*flops exhaustedly*

Apart from all of that, I have mostly been going out a lot – having, y’know, not a whole lot else to do – and taking quite a lot of acid.

It’s been.. awesome, actually. Can’t complain.

Oh, and I got engaged on Saturday night. I think. But that’s a whole other story.

Welcome back, blog.

Coming soon: the long, long-delayed multimediatastic Rainbow Serpent post.


Filed under Chaos, Cunts, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Discombobulation, F***book, Here Is The News, Liable For Nothing, Newness, People, Photos, The Liberator Who Destroyed My Property Has Realigned My Perceptions, Weblogs, Whack

10 Responses to Okay.

  1. Li

    Holy crap dude. You know, I haven’t been able to properly view your blog for about the last two months, because you upload quicktime content quite a bit, and whenever my browser comes into contact with such content, it crashes.
    I finally bit the bullet and just this second completed a complete reformat, then come here to check she’s all up and running, and turns out you’ve been through chaotic discombulation of the cuntingest order.
    Glad to see all is back and up and running. You attract strange individuals. Hacking emails is fine if it brings you great financial wealth, or government secrets…but just to fuck with someone? Kind of like being back in high school.
    Unless…wait you don’t have deep government secrets do you?

  2. teigan

    Nah, of course not. No deep government secrets at all. What a ridiculous notion etc
    It is Kind Of Like Being Back In High School.
    I don’t know why she did it; I still haven’t read her mail. Although I could now if I wanted to.
    I just know she’ll have some Reason which she thinks is Really Good – which mostly has to do with what a cunt I am – but which I’ll know is really just a self-justifying excuse for gratuitously fucking with me.
    It will make me dislike us both and generally feel like I’m back in high school. Which I can do without.

  3. AG

    the universe, or agents thereof, seem to like toying with you.
    note: you’re not back in high school

  4. Desci

    God, what an ordeal. Hope you’re loving the new mac.
    And how on Earth did you get acid, you lucky duck? I can’t get it for love nor money.

  5. teigan

    Desci! I was reading you for the first time in ages the other day, and idly wondering if we were still friends.
    And how on Earth did you get acid, you lucky duck? I can’t get it for love nor money.
    That’s sad and wrong; I almost feel bad. It just keeps coming my way lately, without any conscious effort or design. Liquid on two out of four occasions; real nice. It’s got a lot to do with this guy Thad. Best. Stalker. Ever. I’ll introduce you if you’d like. Everyone should know Thad.
    And yes; yes, I am. 🙂
    AG – Thanks for the reminder.

  6. Desci

    Of course we are; I’ve just dropped of the webs to a large extent since I’ve been working full time (almost a year now). I didn’t realise how many people I call friends or even acquaintances who I’ve not seen nor heard from in said year til now. Hm.
    This Thad sounds delightful.

  7. teigan

    He is; he really is. (Are you on Facebook?)

  8. Desci

    Hardly ever; I’ve practically abandoned it so there’s no point. It’s silly.

  9. teigan

    It has silly qualities but I enjoy it hugely. The status updates alone make it worth.. whatever it is that it costs to use. (Which is, admittedly, something. Time, your privacy, soul, etc.)

  10. Gab

    This post makes me want to have a cup of tea and a sit down. I’m glad I joined the Facebook group which extols the virtues of just such an activity. Seriously though, it is exhausting.
    You can see I am almost done trawling the depths of your blog. And our engagement gets a look-in. How Lovely!

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