Category Archives: People

December 4, 2006 · 11:42 am

Party II

It was a much quieter affair than the last one. But it was still good!

~ made sushi

Russian cocaine was served in abundance

First Hamish of the night

The drink’s creator attended in A4 poster form

Nada came all the way from New Jersey – what’s your excuse? – only to be strangled by ~ in a fit of paranoia. These things happen at Hagakure parties

Former Operative Johana (Hamish)

Former Operatives Reanimator (Scotch & Cola) and Li (rightly hiding in shame behind bottle of Cascade Light)

Semi (herbal tea and sympathy)

T. (fat rocks of crack, not shown)

Some woman dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz (not sure what she was on)

This crazy Japanese girl gave ~ a terrible time a while back, but he invited her anyway.

Reanimator, Li, ~, a russian mathematician and i ended up watching Fight Club by candlelight at about 3am. I did loads of bulbs.

It was good.

14 Comments

Filed under Current Affairs, Domestica, Drugs, Drunkenness, Evil, Life, People, Photos, Pimpage, w0ot

December 2, 2006 · 11:48 am

Don’t Come To Our Party

Your loss, bitches.

Me: Hello. Do you have any of those compressed gas bulbs you use to make whipped cream?

Customer Service Technician In Large Sydney Road Catering Supplies Outlet [beaming in bland, vacant customer-servicery way]: Yes; yes, we do. One of our most popular consumables. Right over there. [indicates stock stand groaning under the weight of vast supplies of nitrous oxide bulbs]

~: Tell me, do you get a high volume of well dodgy-looking tweakers like us, who probably aren’t actually employed in the catering industry at all, coming in and stocking up on massive quantities of these?

Customer Service Technician [absolutely without missing a beat]: Yes; yes, we do.

(And to that small handful of priveliged people who are coming tonight – see you soon; looking forward to it.)

9 Comments

Filed under Drugs, Found, Heh, Misanthropy, People, Photos

November 30, 2006 · 9:14 pm

If You’re Happy And You Know It

Or alternately, if you’re miserable and you know it – and it’s just no good at all…

CLAP. YOUR. HANDS.

CLAP! CLAP!

If you’re happy and you know it,
And you really wanna show it,
If you’re happy and you know it… clap your hands!

CLAP! CLAP!

I feel better already.

Despite – he said, by way of explanation – the depressing fact that I have failed.

I am A Failure; one who has failed. That is What I Am.

CLAP! CLAP!

It’s the last day of November. And despite my best intentions, I have failed to write a 50,000-word novel.

I gave it a good old Aussie go, though. Really, truly did!

But I didn’t write 50,000 words – and I didn’t finish it. And it’s dead now. It doesn’t want to be worked on any more. It has become a stinky moribund dead project that pains me and makes me annoyed at myself. And it’s bad when you annoy yourself.

Winces, girds loins, drives a stake through its beloved heart.

It’s dead. RIP, first attempt at writing a novel.

The silver lining is, I’m actually well pleased with the 37,566 words I did write. They came out great.

CLAP! CLAP!

Which was really the problem. They were too good. Consequently, somewhere along the line, I forgot to not take myself seriously. Which is the whole big-thing point of NaNoWriMo. You can write a stupid 50,000 word novel in a month. But unless you are a bona fide literary genius, you can’t write a good one. Forget about it.

I’m tempted to quote Alanis Morrisette at this juncture. But for everyone’s sake, I shall abstain.

The point is: I’m, like, trying to be philosophical and shit. I feel pain now, but I know the venture was far from a dead loss. In the end, I got more out of it than I would have if I hadn’t undertaken it. And in any case, I’ve lost nothing. Just a ride. Etcetera.

CLAP! CLAP!

In other shittiness news, nobody but a handful of stalwarts – it seems – can come to our party.

Again, I don’t feel too bad about it. It’s getting towards That Time Of Year; everybody has lots of prior engagements. A bunch of people came to the last one – and most if not all appeared to genuinely have a good time. So it’s not like this is a sign that all our friends secretly hate our guts, or think our parties suck.

CLAP! CLAP!

Finally, congratulations are in order to Mr Tripto Deluxe, who jumped on board my NaNo bandwagon and then kicked my ass right off the damn thing by actually finishing his book.

Kudos to you, my friend. Kudos to you. No, I wouldn’t come to my party either. You have better things to do. Course you do. We’re not really going to kill you. That was totally, like, an empty threat. Course it was.

Love your work.

CLAP! CLAP!

Oh, man – that’s the shit, right there.

CLAP! CLAP!

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

CLAP! CLAP!

Excuse me, I have to be alone with my hands for a while.

2 Comments

Filed under Art, Benevolence, Damage Control, Failure, NaNoWriMo, People, Philosophica, Self Analysis, some do it fast, some do it better in smaller amounts, Weblogs

November 25, 2006 · 8:46 pm

Man, I Just, Like, Voted

I wasn’t planning to originally, but Semi talked me into it on the grounds that the Greens will likely take some seats away from serious politicians, which is always a good cause. I hope he is having fun at Earthcore. I imagine that he is.

I just voted for the Greens whilst tripping on leftover cactus, partly in his honor. I’m sure Bob Brown (with whom I once shared a taxi, whilst dressed as a giant koala – i’m sure it wasn’t just a dream) would not disapprove. I tried to imagine what John Howard would feel. I tried to imagine him feeling pain in some way. How I tried. But all I could see was him going “stupid hippies; ah well, *shrugs*, they will all self-destruct soon enough anyway”, and not understanding at all. Which kind of pissed me off, but did at least make me feel like, in some obscure way, I had not done entirely the wrong thing.

Now I am trying to decide whether to watch The Dark Crystal again. I fell asleep before the end last time.

~ has suggested to me that the girl Gelfling ultimately dies; but I feel sure that this cannot be the whole truth. Henson and Oz would not do that to me. They would not dare.

I will watch their silly movie, in any case. They can bring it. Doesn’t matter if the chick dies; the whole healed-crystal thing redundifies such petty concerns.

Yes, it does.

24 Comments

Filed under Art, Benevolence, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Desperation, Dreams, Drugs, Food, Genius, Heh, Here Is The News, Illusion Of Time, left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is, Life Is Good, Movies, Music, Night Time, Nothing, People, Pictures Of Lady J, Self Analysis, Sex, Weblogs, Whack

November 15, 2006 · 12:48 am

Here Is Another Picture Of Lady J

Yes, Kate – you should be nervous. I recommend leg extensions. Also, you never write to me anymore. You think just because you’ve been in a couple of shitty movies you don’t even have to try.

But let’s face it – y’ain’t getting any younger. And quite frankly your silly, pampered Hollywood showponyage is starting to piss me off.

Time to wake up and smell the Red Bull concentrate, woman.

You’ve been supplanted.

12 Comments

Filed under Here Is The News, People, Photos, Sex

November 14, 2006 · 10:10 am

Read My Friend Dave’s Blog

One of my oldest living friends – which is not to say that he’s really old, just that most of my friends dating from his era of my life have either died or I’m not friends with them any more – now has a blog.

He’s really good; I consider him a top-quality friend. If I were you, I would definitely give some serious consideration to the very real option of reading his blog.

It’s fun and it’s free, just like the Scientology personality test. Except even better, because your chances of being seduced into joining a dodgy pseudo-scientific quasi-religious cult created by a sadistic maniac that will brainwash you and take all your money are relatively small.

Read Dave’s blog.

2 Comments

Filed under History, People, Pimpage, Weblogs

November 9, 2006 · 2:58 am

In Other News

Everybody should watch The Hamish Show. I have been catching up on old ~~posts~~ episodes this evening; it is a great ~~blog~~ show.

This one in particular is the best ever!!

(In semi-related news: I just reinstated my notorious Neurocam-destroying post from February, in response to several requests I have received over the last little while. If you were wondering what all this ‘Phase Two’ malarky was really all about – there you go. It was me. I lit the Chicago Fire, I killed the baby Jesus etc. And this here should be considered my absolute final public word on the accursed subject of the Neurocam.)

Should I light my cherry cigar? I just can’t decide. I think it may be called for; it really is that good of a ~~post~~ episode.

UPDATE – I lit it. But I can’t take a picture, coz ~ has my camera again and there is no waking him at this hour of the morning.

Life, eh?

2nd UPDATE – And now someone is bashing on our front door, but I’m not going to answer it; it’s probably for him. Fuck it, they’re not going away and it’s getting on my nerves; I guess I will. I hope it is not Robin Hely. For his sake, obviously. Heh.

3rd UPDATE – It was ~’s friend Film Student Boy; he was incredibly drunk. He just came into my room and wouldn’t stop apologising, because he could see I didn’t really forgive him. So I had to look him in the eye and pretend that I didn’t mind him virtually bashing down our front door drunkenly at three o’clock in the morning, to make him go away the hell out of my room.

I wish I had some weed.

This cigar is no substitute.

4 Comments

Filed under Art, Evil, Genius, People, Weblogs

November 8, 2006 · 10:58 pm

Recent Correspondence

From: Trysting Fields Central Communications
To: JoBean
Date: 8 November 2006 10:45:32 PM

> 😀 I have enough trouble coming up with my own posts, m’dear.
> And you want me think of topics for you as well?

You seem to be doing okay.. slow but not short of content

> How about the fact that I went into a pet shop the other day and saw
> me some kittens.

You want me to post on *my* blog about what *you’ve* been up to? Tript‘s right.

> Yay kitten season!

Yay! I saw two cats fucking for the first time ever the other night; it was well surreal and shit

Everything is surreal at the moment; I blame the racing carnival

I was saying to LJ this morning: the streets are filled with outrageously drunk women in slutty dresses and ridiculous hats; singing, getting into fights, throwing up, falling over

At all hours of the day and night

No one bats an eye, that’s standard in Melbourne at this time of year

Freewheeling, zany-ass city that we are

I was trying to sell Melbourne to her

Do you think that will work?

> You should call those places again if you want one 😀

Thanks for the tip 😛

heh

But too busy! Too busy!

I have to catch up on Adam’s blog too, I haven’t read it for ages and ages and ages; his posts are gold but they’re too long

So much to do! So little weed. Indeed none at all; it’s becoming unacceptable

Get it sorted, “Johana”

Honestly, sometimes I wonder why we are still friends

You never send me flowers, you never have any weed when *I* need it

We may have to see about your license to practice if this whack continues

Much love,

4 Comments

Filed under Current Affairs, Desperation, Drugs, Heh, Life, People, Weblogs, Whack

October 31, 2006 · 7:17 pm

Scary, Scary, Don’t We Look Mean

(via The Wild Hunt.)

What Mishuki said.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

4 Comments

Filed under Art, Auto-Pimpage, Evil, Heh, Music, People, Video, Whack

October 25, 2006 · 5:53 pm

Holy Crap You’re A Cunt, Hely

Some day I will take enormous pleasure in watching you genuinely suffer, you worthless irredeemable piece of shit.

From: Stephen Cronin
Date: 15 October 2006 2:42:16 PM
To: Teigan
Subject: Re: how the hell do you write so well

[snip]

I was eventually going to come out to you with the truth anyway. Who was I to deny the Great Robert Henley as such a lonely Operative. And when he offered me something that CH (you) couldn’t.. I took it.

Here is the official list of people that screwed you over (including myself.)

Robin Hely – gave orders and orchestrated everything
Midnight – played a dual identity role with you to screw you over, purposely tried to tick you off (by poor handling of admissions, etc.) in order to try and get you to quit.. RH’s idea actually lol)
Chris Titan – used Herbert Finch in an attempt to break you down
Steve Cronin – fed info to RH through convos with you & CH (you)
Adren – Called your Sister under orders of RH (That’s really all he did and was never really involved with any of the plotting. Adren was probably the most innocent one out of all of us.)

I don’t know why I just got into this.. I never planned to write about this when i started this e-mail.

16 Comments

Filed under Art, Evil, Misanthropy, Neurocam, Night Time, People, Whack

October 21, 2006 · 11:47 pm

Scenes From A Zenarchist Coffee Ceremony

6 Comments

Filed under Art, Drugs, Food, Night Time, People, Photos

October 18, 2006 · 4:17 pm

Hot Flash, Call The Papers etc

More Rushkoff linkage: In which it occurs to our protagonist that contemporary western democracy is eminently recognisable as – gasp – nothing but an elaborate con!! Who’d a thunk it?

11 Comments

Filed under Current Affairs, Evil, People, Pimpage, some do it fast, some do it better in smaller amounts, Weblogs

October 16, 2006 · 8:00 am

I Went To A Soccer Match Yesterday

I actually worked at Telstradome for a period last year, but I had never been to any kind of football game before in my life.

It was pretty cool. That said, it’s conceivable I only found it to be as such because I was half-tripping on mushies, something else I have never done before.

Absolutely true story: on our way to catch the tram going out, we passed a guy who tried to hit us for change. When we said no, he looked me straight in the eye and shouted “magic mushrooms!” before going back to reaming the coin dispensers on a bank of public phones.

~ assures me I was not visibly fucked up in any way at all.

Fucker.

But in retrospect… awesome!