Twenty Nine Years

That’s what the figures say – I double checked. But it doesn’t seem to be correct.

Most of the time I feel about 20. And in some ways I feel very, very old.

But I don’t feel 29. Soon I will be as old as Lady J, and she’s, like, thirty.

I cannot possibly be one birthday away from turning 30.

There has to have been a mixup somewhere. That’s the only plausible explanation. I’m making enquiries. I may have to call my lawyer.

Who do you sue for being erroneously 29, anyway? I’m not even sure. I hope it’s someone on the Federal frontbench. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate those fucks? Ruddock, Costello, Howard, Vanstone, fucking Downer, fucking Abbott. I would pay serious money to see them all eaten by a pack of wild dogs. I really would. Cunts.

Twenty nine.

9 Comments

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9 Responses to Twenty Nine Years

  1. wortwut

    welcome to my world … I see 29 as nature’s way of easing you into the state of being 30. Once you’re 29, you’re ‘about 30’ (29-30-31), so for all intents and purposes you ARE 30. This gives you a year to get used to being 30-ish so that you have your blase attitudes to ageing prepared by the time the attention of your actual 30th birthday comes around. And you don’t have to adjust your mental state until you enter your early 30’s (32-33). It is a little sad leaving the late-20’s (27-28) though. The mid-20’s (24-25-26) seem so far away … Happy birthday anyway though.

  2. Don’t listen to wortwut. Fight it. You can resist, it’s not futile.
    If someone had given me this advice I wouldn’t be in the state I’m in – about to turn 36 this weekend. I can’t even claim early 30’s any more. I’m well on my way to late 30’s! If someone had given me this advice, I’d still be 29 today.
    Learn from my mistake.

  3. And would it have to be wild dogs? I mean, no sense bringing out the good china for this lot. Why not just use domesticated dogs?

  4. >Happy birthday anyway though.
    I can’t believe you’re suggesting I should just lie down and accept this.
    >Why not just use domesticated dogs?
    Don’t be daft; no self-respecting domestic dog would touch them, and rightly so

  5. Wow, you’re getting all grumpy in your old age…
    heh heh.

  6. Anonymous

    Umm.. what happenned to Lady J’s blog anyway?

  7. lady j

    Lady J’s blog lives here now. Didn’tcha get the memo? 😉
    Happy birthday, old man.

  8. Seriously?! Jesus, I had you pegged as 25-6.
    Happy Birthday anyway babe. xoxoxo

  9. I’m not sure if I should feel good about that last comment, or bad. Hmm..

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