Li has started blogging again.
Category Archives: History
Relax, Everything’s Going To Be Fine
Stuff I Did This Year
My 2010 started on a high. Life was good and all the stars were aligned, etc. Unfortunately the wheels started to come off in the second quarter and the second half was an increasingly shitful and regressive abortion.
So it goes. We’ll do this as many times as we have to.
Amongst other things (hosting some fairly awesome dinner parties, etc) I:
- Went to Thailand;
- Started studying art in fulfilment of longterm ambitions (alongside baby sis);
- Went part time halfway through first semester (see also baby sis);
- Reconciled with a former close associate after a long estrangement, which made me very happy;
- Got very suddenly & unexpectedly shitcanned by a then-close associate three weeks later, with the inverse effect;
- Deferred school and everything else and moped around reclusively for months doing increasingly little except thinking about everything, with increasingly hilarious consequences;
- Turned
3424 2.0; - Slapped myself around some for having fucked up so badly, thereby fucking things up more;
- Got a job and started to apply the breaks.
I’m not going to thank specific people Oscar-stylez like I have the last two years.
People who’ve been awesome: thanks. People in general: also that other thing. Seriously.
Life is improving. I think we’ll be doing just fine if we relax a little.
Happy new year.
Spring = Sprung
Official fact. Doesn’t quite feel like it yet, but it’s unquestionably getting there.
So, Em came to visit from Sydney a few weeks ago. Hadn’t seen her in almost exactly a year. It was excellent. Here’s a picture of us her, and me in half-eaten pizza form at Bimbo:
Amongst other things, we talked blogs. She pointed out that my F$%book accounts have pretty much completely supplanted the more here-is-the-newsy kind of role my blog used to play back in the day, and told me she’d blog more if I did. Which seemed like a good deal, especially since I’m finally starting to feel kind of over F&#b!@k.
She also opined that TF should go back to being more writerly and less overwhelmingly audiocentric. Quoth TAFKALJ, concordantly: “TOO MUCH AUDIO”.
I dunno. The blog has to do what it wants!!! *stamps foot petulantly on behalf of blog* It can’t be forced, let alone by the audioantipathetic whims of sundry ex-girlfriends. Well, it probably can up to a point. But it shouldn’t be. That said, I think Em made a strong case.
Blog bloggety blog.
We’ll see what happens.
~ SPRING! ~
How was your winter? Mine was harsh. Although I’ve certainly had worse. And yeah – it’s over now.
Which is good.
Filed under :), Food, Here Is The News, History, Life Is Okay, People, Photos, Weblogs
Polyphonic Spree @ The Forum
Saturday 27th February.
With G and these people.
SRC Xmas Party
17th December.
Vale SRC. I’m gonna miss you hugely in some ways; in other ways not so much. I’ll certainly miss your Xmas parties. Or maybe I’ll just crash them.
The following was captured at Harrie & Atkins’ house, at some point quite far into the 17-odd hours’ worth of extended shenanigans.
Messy night; messy audio. But I like it.
(Previously.)
In Cyclical Terms, Right (Redux)
Went under: May ’06.
Came up: July/August ’06 (thanks, cactus).
Went under: April ’07.
Came up: August/September/October ’07 (protracted ascention courtesy of Ms J Hawthorne).
Went under: November ’08.
I don’t know where we are right now, which means we’re still basically down. Life is BLAH. But we’re a hell of a fuckload better than we were in January–February (shudder). Progress occurs.
I’ve – yeah – never talked directly about this stuff here much in the past. (Edit: except at the very beginning, I guess.) I don’t know why I am now, or if it’s sensible. Talking about badness just feeds into it.
And insofar as I use my blog as a kind of metaprogramming tool, being too explicit generally isn’t productive. Sleight of mind, dude. Ever heard of it?
Teigan’s ego is addicted to saying too much.
I just got nothin’ else to talk about RN. The only thing I really care about is getting out of this $%# hole.
Which is kind of the problem.
FFS stop digging and chill the fuck out, man.
Filed under History, Nothing, Self Analysis
Blah
Freakley told me last night to turn my shittiness into art. Personal motto: “redeem garbage”, apparently. This is what she told me when we first met in early ’07, too.
“Make art!” she says.
She’s good like that.
Trouble is, my shittiness basically consists of an inability to put any meaningful form or shape around anything. Narrative failure. Everything seems completely empty and pointless. Whinge piss moan blah.
When I crash, I tear myself to pieces trying to Figure Myself And Everything Generally Out – metaphysical arms flailing comically – until I feel my sanity seriously starting to disintegrate. Then I give up, and just live vacantly from one atomized moment to the next.
There’s not much you can make from that. Got art? Well, no. That’s kind of the problem.
That said, this here blog was originally started in a bid to pull myself out of that void. And it totally worked, over time.
But the last two times I’ve been seriously down since then (mid ’06; mid ’07), I didn’t really talk about it much here. It seemed self-sabotaging to advertise it too explicitly. And also pointless. Natch.
I didn’t really socialise, either. This time I am, a bit. I worry that’s similarly self-sabotaging and is doing irrepairable damage to the relationships in question.
Contact with other people gives you (some) perspective, makes you feel less alone, and generally makes life a bit easier. All of which is nice.
But ultimately allowing people to see much of you when you’re like this just weakens you further. It just fuels the negative self image which is getting you so down in the first place.
“Hi, my existence is a gaping abyss of infinite horror; I feel completely worthless and useless, and I don’t really give a shit about anything except how useless and worthless I feel. Er.. how are you?” Doesn’t help.
Meh; I’m on the up, gradually.
I was really in hell a few months ago.
I’m not in hell now. Just – yeah – a big ol’ envoided vacuum of blah.
And I won’t be here forever.
Filed under Blah, History, People, Photos, Self Analysis
Abort Abort etc
Filed under Audio, Ba-Boww, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Drunkenness, History, Liable For Nothing, People, Photos, Weblogs
Canberra Redux (Two)
Filed under Audio, Discombobulation, Drunkenness, Here Is The News, History, Illusion Of Time, People, Photos, Sadness, Travel
Canberra Redux (One)
So yeah – Toots & I went to Canberra the weekend before last.
We grew up there. I left in 2004, and haven’t been back since 2005 (previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously).
I Facebooked the whole trip from beginning to end in status updates and pictures from my phone. Which gave me a thrill. Fuck you if you can’t understand.
(No seriously – fuck you, dear reader. Fuck you to hell. I hope your face is revoltingly disfigured by a horrible flesh eating virus. I really mean that.)
The ‘Tendo suggested I post the whole mini-feed saga in all its glory here. But even I have my limits.
Here’s some pictures and audio, though. Hover for captions etc.
Saturday
(To be continued.)
Filed under Audio, Drunkenness, F***book, History, Illusion Of Time, Life, People, Photos, Travel
Things To Be Thankful For (Three)
Our relationship (whatever it is) has always been problematic and remains so in some ways. But the best ones often are.
I wish I could do a better job sometimes of making her understand how much I value and care about her.
She’s been a huge force for awesomeness in my life this year. She’s a legend and I fucking love her.
(Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.)
Filed under Awesomeness, Benevolence, Bitches, History, People, Photos, Things To Be Thankful For
Battle Fatigue
It’s been a good winter on Planet T.
It’s sure as hell ripped off the head and shat down the neck of the previous one, which nearly killed me. (No, really.) We’re Learning To Do Winter, apparently. Hooray for that.
But I’m ready for it to be over now.
TIA!
UPDATE (Friday): You are not listening to me, weather.
Filed under Here Is The News, History, The End Is Nigh, Victory