Category Archives: Heh

Birthday

It’s certainly been a memorable one. I liked it much better than last year’s.

Prize for the best party guest overall goes to Patrick. Prize for the most liable for nothing party guest is a three-way tie between Shane, The Sorcha, and, of course, Coburg.

Prize for the best party guest who wasn’t there physically but came in essence goes to Wads. Prize for the most missed party absentee is a tie between Em and this chick. Prize for the best party guest who did attend physically, but who I unfortunately never actually got around to talking to is a three-way tie between Li, Kav, and The Major. Prize for the best (if maybe in hindsight somewhat regrettable) picture of a My Little Cthulhu Bunny goes to Magnus.

Prize for the most devastating headfuckery goes to my housemate & ex-fiancee. Prize for the most comically hypocritical abusive emails goes to Henley. Prize for the most awesome drunken deep & meaningful alleyway convo goes to Liv. I’m not sure what exactly to award the artist formerly known as Semi, but I suspect he deserves a prize of some kind – or that if he doesn’t now, he may well before too long.

Prize for the most broken nose goes to Luke. Prize for the most blood cheerfully & unsolicitedly cleaned up as a result of a broken nose goes to Harrie. Prize for the driest one-liners (always) and best wildlife photography goes to Ramm. Prize for the best shisha lesson goes to Nichk. Prize for the heterosexual male with the most sophisticated understanding of little girls’ pop music (and also the special award for getting locked in the enclosed garden off my bedroom by a psycho chick person I’m sure is lovely once you get to know her, and then being too wasted to think of calling someone to let him out) goes to Grimsey.

Prize for the best nail-painting (and best former housemate ever) goes to Cel. Prize for the best hungover breakfast-making and tidying up goes to Kat. Prize for the oldest and most enduring friend goes to Bentendo. Prize for the best anonymous benefactor goes to whoever sent me the copy of M2M‘s second album I found in my mailbox yesterday.

Prize for the best present (y’know, apart from causing me to be born in the first place and shit) goes to my parents.

Prize for the best sister in the entire fucking world goes to this bitch.

Prize for the best mistress (and inexpressible amounts of gratitude & love) goes to Schnozzie.

Thanks, everyone.

21 Comments

Filed under Awesomeness, Benevolence, Chaos, Current Affairs, Discombobulation, Domestica, Drunkenness, Heh, Here Is The News, It'll All Come Good, Liable For Nothing, Life Is Good, Night Time, People, silly humans *rolls eyes* etc, Swings & Roundabouts, Use Of A Telephone For A Fictitious Purpose, w0ot, Whack, What Kind Of Fuckery Is This

It’s All Over

So long, the so-called Real World. It was nice knowing you. In some aspects.

ION: O. M. F. G. Why was I not told about this?! (That’s what I get for not reading the news, I guess.)

6 Comments

Filed under Awesomeness, Dreams, F***book, Goodbyes, Heh, I'm Intrigued And Would Like To Know More, Liable For Nothing, Nothing, Signs Of The Apocalypse, The Liberator Who Destroyed My Property Has Realigned My Perceptions, Travel, Use Of A Telephone For A Fictitious Purpose

Chez Hagakure Red Wine & Homebrew Quiet Night In

With Luke.

Luke

19 Comments

Filed under Audio, Awesomeness, Bastards, Bitches, Cunts, Drunkenness, Heh, Liable For Nothing, People, Photos, Poverty, Sex, Work

Finally, Some Real News

That’s more like it.

Best bit:

Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, “I’ve been raped by a wombat”.

It is my ambition to be charged with this offense someday.

Update (Fri 4th). This guy is my new hero.

1 Comment

Filed under Current Affairs, Heh, silly humans *rolls eyes* etc, Use Of A Telephone For A Fictitious Purpose

In Other News

Ms Fits has acknowledged my existence again. (Previously.)

There really is nothing left to live for.

(Except, y’know, art and shit.)

2 Comments

Filed under Heh, Here Is The News, Illusion Of Time, Lost But Unconcerned, Weblogs

Personality Test Redux

(Previously.)

Personality test results

Post personality test beers with Henley

4 Comments

Filed under Art, Audio, Drunkenness, Evil, Heh, People, Photos, Self Analysis, silly humans *rolls eyes* etc

Recent Voicemail

Leave a Comment

Filed under Audio, Discombobulation, Heh, People

It’s All About The Facebook Status Updates At The Moment

They’re funny.

1 Comment

Filed under Heh, Here Is The News, People

The Age Is Killer With The One Liners

I just read an article from Melbourne’s premier daily broadsheet which reports that Melbourne City Council has opted to cease hiring private investigators to patronise illegal brothels (and not in the sense of talking down to them inappropriately) for the purpose of busting said establishments.

It opened with the unforgettable line: “Melbourne City Council has decided to stop paying for sex.”

Curiously enough, the story now seems to have been taken down. But I swear I saw it.

UPDATE – Thinking about it, surely such a practice would be completely illegal. Patronising illegal brothels.. is illegal. I wonder if the whole piece was some kind of prank.

6 Comments

Filed under Current Affairs, Heh

Here Is An Audio Version Of That Comment

3 Comments

Filed under Art, Audio, Evil, Hate, Heh, Neurocam

Greetings From Rainy Manchester

ManchesterStreet

Desk

Arm

5 Comments

Filed under Art, Current Affairs, Dreams, Evil, Heh, Life Is Good, People, Photos, Pictures Of Lady J, Travel

Vale Tript

*tips hat*

Sad day.

In other news, thank you to the anonymous person who ingeniously sent me this in a way I couldn’t respond to:

If you are who I think you are – you’re funny. And if I don’t know you, that’s even funnier.

Tell me – do you get curiously predictable headaches and phantom mice in your bed at 4am, too?

3 Comments

Filed under Art, Benevolence, Dreams, Evil, Heh, Night Time, Nothing, People, Weblogs

When Nada Met Bob

Nada & Bob

5 Comments

Filed under Art, Current Affairs, Evil, Heh, People, Photos

Don’t Come To Our Party

Your loss, bitches.

Balloons & bulbs

Me: Hello. Do you have any of those compressed gas bulbs you use to make whipped cream?

Customer Service Technician In Large Sydney Road Catering Supplies Outlet [beaming in bland, vacant customer-servicery way]: Yes; yes, we do. One of our most popular consumables. Right over there. [indicates stock stand groaning under the weight of vast supplies of nitrous oxide bulbs]

~: Tell me, do you get a high volume of well dodgy-looking tweakers like us, who probably aren’t actually employed in the catering industry at all, coming in and stocking up on massive quantities of these?

Customer Service Technician [absolutely without missing a beat]: Yes; yes, we do.

(And to that small handful of priveliged people who are coming tonight – see you soon; looking forward to it.)

9 Comments

Filed under Drugs, Found, Heh, Misanthropy, People, Photos

Man, I Just, Like, Voted

I wasn’t planning to originally, but Semi talked me into it on the grounds that the Greens will likely take some seats away from serious politicians, which is always a good cause. I hope he is having fun at Earthcore. I imagine that he is.

I just voted for the Greens whilst tripping on leftover cactus, partly in his honor. I’m sure Bob Brown (with whom I once shared a taxi, whilst dressed as a giant koala – i’m sure it wasn’t just a dream) would not disapprove. I tried to imagine what John Howard would feel. I tried to imagine him feeling pain in some way. How I tried. But all I could see was him going “stupid hippies; ah well, *shrugs*, they will all self-destruct soon enough anyway”, and not understanding at all. Which kind of pissed me off, but did at least make me feel like, in some obscure way, I had not done entirely the wrong thing.

Now I am trying to decide whether to watch The Dark Crystal again. I fell asleep before the end last time.

~ has suggested to me that the girl Gelfling ultimately dies; but I feel sure that this cannot be the whole truth. Henson and Oz would not do that to me. They would not dare.

I will watch their silly movie, in any case. They can bring it. Doesn’t matter if the chick dies; the whole healed-crystal thing redundifies such petty concerns.

Yes, it does.

24 Comments

Filed under Art, Benevolence, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Desperation, Dreams, Drugs, Food, Genius, Heh, Here Is The News, Illusion Of Time, left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is, Life Is Good, Movies, Music, Night Time, Nothing, People, Pictures Of Lady J, Self Analysis, Sex, Weblogs, Whack