Category Archives: Current Affairs

It’s A Bloggy Soap Opera; Deal With It

Previously.

[Teh Gabster]
Today at 9:10am

Your status update sound news-full.

*hug*

[Me]
Today at 9:25am

So I post on her wall, right, saying thanks for a delightful afternoon (which it undoubtedly was, methinks, for all concerned) and reminding her to text me her new mobile no – which she was totally going to give me in person, but we just forgot about it.

That afternoon I get a text: “Don’t know if this will go thru, but if it does plz 2 no drunken late night texts, tay? :)”

(A few months ago, before she hacked my ass, but was very actively in the process of grinding the pieces of my shattered heart into the ground and treating me – with little or no sane justification – like the spawn of satan, there was a certain amount of angsty late-night drunken text messagery action on my part.)

Taking this in my stride, I replied: “OMG, the cheek!! I can make no promises. But tell you what – I will let you into my house, where my computer lives, without any fear of disastrous consequences and my mother being called a whore to boot, tay?! 😛 !! (<3)"

This was met with silence. I don’t think she realised her message was a joke.

Crazy woman.

I still like her, though.

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Filed under Current Affairs, Liable For Nothing, Pictures Of Lady J, silly humans *rolls eyes* etc, What Kind Of Fuckery Is This

Finally, Some Real News

That’s more like it.

Best bit:

Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, “I’ve been raped by a wombat”.

It is my ambition to be charged with this offense someday.

Update (Fri 4th). This guy is my new hero.

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Filed under Current Affairs, Heh, silly humans *rolls eyes* etc, Use Of A Telephone For A Fictitious Purpose

Okay.

It’s a bit hard to to know where to start.

*thinks*

So my computer’s sound recording facilities had been playing up, right. Had been for a while. It was no good. I wanted to make an album.

Thus on the morning of January 15th, I called a taxi and took the old gel into town to be serviced. They told me it would take four days. It wound up taking three weeks. But they did it.

In the meantime, I got totally hacked. First teigan@gmail.com, then [mylegalname]@gmail.com, my blog and my Facebook accounts all stopped accepting their passwords across the final week of January.

On Friday the 8th of February, I got my computer back. On Saturday, I threw a party. This is where we came in.

Upon getting reputered, I created some special email accounts and conducted a few experiments. Via these I established to a high degree of likelihood that my hacker was good old Henley. Somewhat predictably, I lost my shit at him.

On Tuesday 12th, I attempted to boot my newly restored digital handmaiden only to discover that – four days after returning home to me – she had totally, totally died.

I was ‘puterless once more.

Then the following night – Valentine’s Eve, no less – none other than Henley’s girlfriend, a former close associate of mine, claimed responsibility for the hacking via SMS.

Leave the poor petal alone, she said. He’s innocent.

I was skeptical at first, but when she told me that teigan@gmail was wide open for resetting (Quick! Jump up and find an open internet cafe at 2am etc), I realised she was probably telling at least some weird Lady-J-since-she-turned-feral version of the truth.

Why had the former love of my life done this to me? She’d written to me at another account, she said – one of the ones she hadn’t violated and locked me out of – explaining everything.

Only problem was, I had (of course) been changing all my passwords like a demon – without having gotten around to making a backup or a hard copy of any of them. From my computer. Which had since – you will recall – dropped totally, totally dead.

In other words I was now not only ‘puterless and locked out of my hacked accounts, but ‘puterless and locked out of all my internet accounts.

Then in the early hours of Sunday 17th, Wouters dropped my last remaining link to civilisation phone in a full glass of bourbon & coke.

Oy.

Various people have eased my journey through this Durdenesque ordeal, and thanks are due.

Mishuki of Hagakure 419 fame was good enough to let me use hir Facebook profile. My colleague in social research, fellow FB tragic and soon-to-be-housemate Celestine has been extremely generous with her 3G handset, enabling me to update my status in something akin to the style to which I’ve become compulsively accustomed. Thad gave me a safe-haven email account on his server. And last Tuesday, having learned that my dead six-year-old eMac would cost $700 to reanimate, my long-suffering parents offered to buy me a MacBook. Which was very nice of them.

I picked it up this morning. I’m using it now. It’s lovely.

(I’d take a picture but since the destruction of my phone I’ve got no working digital camera, except the one inside said MacBook. And its eye is not prehensile. But here’s a picture of the box:

I haven't decided what to call it yet)

And now I have my accounts back.

Things are gradually returning to some semblance of what passes for ‘normal’ on Planet Teigan.

*flops exhaustedly*

Apart from all of that, I have mostly been going out a lot – having, y’know, not a whole lot else to do – and taking quite a lot of acid.

It’s been.. awesome, actually. Can’t complain.

Oh, and I got engaged on Saturday night. I think. But that’s a whole other story.

Welcome back, blog.

Coming soon: the long, long-delayed multimediatastic Rainbow Serpent post.

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Filed under Chaos, Cunts, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Discombobulation, F***book, Here Is The News, Liable For Nothing, Newness, People, Photos, The Liberator Who Destroyed My Property Has Realigned My Perceptions, Weblogs, Whack

Still Puterless!!!

Still.

Avoid these people. They will quote you four days on the repair of your eMac, then keep it for ten with no end in sight. They can’t even tell me how much it’s going to cost. At this rate I won’t be paying them anyway.

Fuck this shit. I’m going to Rainbow Serpent.

Hooray for everything (except puterlessness)!

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Filed under Current Affairs, Discombobulation, Domestica, w0ot, Whack

Well Pleased

I think so.

Update (Monday): You go, girl.

It almost makes me feel dirty to be enjoying this so much. It’s not as if I have any belief in Krudd & Co, or parliamentary democracy generally. I just really, really fucking hated this government. So it’s very satisfying to see them finally eating shit and dying.

I’ve been wishing for this day since long before I lost all faith in conventional politics.

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Filed under Current Affairs, w0ot

Preparation

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Filed under Art, Current Affairs, Photos

This Month Has Been Totally Surreal

It’s certainly been interesting.

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Filed under Art, Current Affairs, Failure, Genius, Illusion Of Time, Life, Mysteries, People, Self Analysis, w0ot, Whack

Hairy

I haven’t shaved in a week.

No bathroom, see

Four days, they tell me.

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Filed under Current Affairs, Domestica, Photos

Random Brunswick Street Encounters, Part Deux & Other Assorted

(Previously.)

This afternoon a waifish aboriginal chick came up and asked me if I had any change. I said no, which was a lie but generally my policy in such situations.

She noticed I was wielding an unlit cigarette, and asked if I needed a light. Again, I said no (thanks). Which, conversely, I thought was true.

“You have a good day,” she said nicely, and continued on her way.

I fished into my pocket for the lighter I thought I had, and realised I didn’t actually have it.

So I chased after her and told her that I did, as it turned out, need a light after all.

“You looked like you didn’t have one,” she said with a quiet smile.

I gave her a dollar, and went to hand the lighter back.

“Nah, that’s okay,” she said. “I’ve got about six of them.”

Maybe you had to be there.

My only regret concerning this encounter, which totally rebrightened my day –

(Said day having turned, from promising beginnings, to shitty slit-yer-wrists shit when it became apparent that I’d probably irretrievably lost my bag, containing my camera and my visual diary, in a taxi yesterday.

Which would have been really bad, and totally fucking sucked.

Turns out I’d left it at work the doodle palace. Phew.

But I digress.)

– was that I didn’t ask her if she could assist me in my ongoing quest for time machine fuel.

(Note to blog readers: TIME MACHINE FUEL IS SOUGHT.)

In other news: please excuse the rambling, discombobulated nature of this post.

Two and a half hours sleep, see.

I had to be up at six this morning to receive some people who came to strip the asbestos from my bathroom.

(Now the bathroom looks like this:

Gutted bathroom

)

And I didn’t get to sleep until 3:30am, because some broad whose name I forget [*] was fucking hardcore with my head.

Although she denies doing it deliberately. And in any case, I’m really just fucking hardcore with my own head, and attributing said headfuckery to an external source.

Which is, ultimately, all that any of us are ever doing.

(It pays to remember this sometimes.)

I fully hardcore fall down go boom now.

[*] I think maybe her name is Audrey.

I remember, very early on in our acquaintance, suspecting that might be her name and addressing her as such.

“Who’s Audrey?” she replied, all blinking wide-eyed incomprehension. Although in fact she knew damn well exactly who Audrey was. And she knew damn well that I knew that she knew. And that I knew that she knew that I knew that she knew. And in general, things were Known. You know how it goes, hypothetical blog reader.

In hindsight I might have imagined the blinking wide eyes.

Anyroad, I was well smitten and from that point on there was no turning back.

But that’s a whole ‘nother story for a whole ‘nother time, if ever there was one.

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Filed under Current Affairs, Discombobulation, Domestica, Drugs, It'll All Come Good, People, Pictures Of Lady J

The Coffee & Cigarette I Had At Atomica Yesterday Morning

Contemplates future, etc

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Filed under Current Affairs, Photos, Self Analysis, w0ot

Man Lying On Road Hit By Car

In other news: *insert punchline here*

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Filed under Current Affairs, The End Is Nigh, Whack

The Age Is Killer With The One Liners

I just read an article from Melbourne’s premier daily broadsheet which reports that Melbourne City Council has opted to cease hiring private investigators to patronise illegal brothels (and not in the sense of talking down to them inappropriately) for the purpose of busting said establishments.

It opened with the unforgettable line: “Melbourne City Council has decided to stop paying for sex.”

Curiously enough, the story now seems to have been taken down. But I swear I saw it.

UPDATE – Thinking about it, surely such a practice would be completely illegal. Patronising illegal brothels.. is illegal. I wonder if the whole piece was some kind of prank.

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Filed under Current Affairs, Heh

Sedition Redux (ux ux ux)

I think The Age missed the real story here, but (thanks once again to Semi for pointing this out) it is alluded to in the final paragraph:

Mr Howard this week denied the new Department of Immigration and Citizenship meant multiculturalism was defunct. “I think the title of the new department expresses the desire and the aspiration that … immigrants become Australians.”

Why not just come right out and call it the Department of Immigration, Citizenship and Kuntdom?

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Filed under Current Affairs, Whack

It’s My Blog And I’ll Break My Own Self-Imposed Vow Of Silence Occasionally If I Want To

I blame you, Carfax. Just let it lie, whycantcha?

Anyway.

I recently had cause to send someone a link to my Neurocam Perception Assessment. It is two years old this month.

Rereading it was quite the life-is-strange moment. Many syncronicities and other peculiarities emerged. I even bag out Vanstone in it at one point. Actually, that’s not particularly strange. But the whole thing was funny.

Life is funny. Time flies. Other cliches.

That’s all, I guess.

But on a related note: since, surprisingly, no one else has picked this one up (as far as I’m aware) I suppose it falls to me to ask – does this dastardly unidentified voyeuristic spycam shoe bandit sound suspiciously like anyone we know?

And with that I must away, dear readers, for now I have an important date with the Green Faerie Jellybean.

Good evening.

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Filed under Current Affairs, History, Illusion Of Time, Life, Neurocam, People, Self Analysis

Howard Belatedly Complies With Pulat Vanstone Directive

Semi was right. Victory for the Trysting Fields campaign.

Senator Amanda Vanstone says she will take some time to consider her future, after being dropped from the federal frontbench.

Senator Vanstone, who leaves the Immigration portfolio, says she is not sure if she will see out the five remaining years of her parliamentary term.

It’s unclear whether the subtext here is that she’s contemplating suicide. But if so, Mandy, know that you have my full support. You fat nasty bitch from hell.

(In other news: Is it just me or is Stan Grant looking, weirdly, much much blacker than he used to?)

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Filed under Current Affairs, Evil, Failure, Victory, w0ot