With Em, Matt & Maddy.
(Previously.)
Category Archives: People
t.A.T.u. Was Robbed
But a good night was had in the process.
ION: I caught up with my old arch-nemesis TAFKA Robert Henley last Friday. It was great. Love that guy’s work. No, seriously.
I am still not dead. Better, even.
What else? I’m going to New York next month. I’m going to Thailand in November (probably). Then I’m going to Geneva in December. I might go to Norwich also. Toots has a friend there she wants to visit, and I want to read Adam Tenex’s novel which he’s apparently too lazy send to me.
Adventures FTW!
Can’t complain.
Filed under Art, Awesomeness, Here Is The News, People, The World Is A Disco Ball
:/
There’s nothing like hearing that a long-lost but much loved friend has died to put things in perspective.
At times like this I always fantasize about an impossible party; absolutely everyone who’s ever been special or important to me throughout my life hanging out and being awesome together, with no consequences or liability.
I have much more out-there – and much less self-centred – visions of heaven, but I’d settle for that.
Filed under Death, Life, People, Sadness, the walls are mushy
Blah
Freakley told me last night to turn my shittiness into art. Personal motto: “redeem garbage”, apparently. This is what she told me when we first met in early ’07, too.
“Make art!” she says.
She’s good like that.
Trouble is, my shittiness basically consists of an inability to put any meaningful form or shape around anything. Narrative failure. Everything seems completely empty and pointless. Whinge piss moan blah.
When I crash, I tear myself to pieces trying to Figure Myself And Everything Generally Out – metaphysical arms flailing comically – until I feel my sanity seriously starting to disintegrate. Then I give up, and just live vacantly from one atomized moment to the next.
There’s not much you can make from that. Got art? Well, no. That’s kind of the problem.
That said, this here blog was originally started in a bid to pull myself out of that void. And it totally worked, over time.
But the last two times I’ve been seriously down since then (mid ’06; mid ’07), I didn’t really talk about it much here. It seemed self-sabotaging to advertise it too explicitly. And also pointless. Natch.
I didn’t really socialise, either. This time I am, a bit. I worry that’s similarly self-sabotaging and is doing irrepairable damage to the relationships in question.
Contact with other people gives you (some) perspective, makes you feel less alone, and generally makes life a bit easier. All of which is nice.
But ultimately allowing people to see much of you when you’re like this just weakens you further. It just fuels the negative self image which is getting you so down in the first place.
“Hi, my existence is a gaping abyss of infinite horror; I feel completely worthless and useless, and I don’t really give a shit about anything except how useless and worthless I feel. Er.. how are you?” Doesn’t help.
Meh; I’m on the up, gradually.
I was really in hell a few months ago.
I’m not in hell now. Just – yeah – a big ol’ envoided vacuum of blah.
And I won’t be here forever.
Filed under Blah, History, People, Photos, Self Analysis
Hello, Blog (redux)
It’s wet today. It’s nice. I was woken up by the garbage truck at 9am this morning and realised I’d forgotten to put the bins out. So I did. Then I went back to bed until midday.
I started back at work on Monday. This is A Good Thing. I’ve become waaay too reclusive over the break.
I think my ‘new’ housemate – he still seems new even though he’s been here three months, partly coz he went away for a month quite soon after moving in, and partly coz time has been frozen on Planet T lately – has decided I’m a freak.
He actually said this, more or less, late one drunken night in January. “It’s funny the things you discover about people once you get to know them a bit better. Like you: before I started living with you, I totally thought you were normal.”
I LOL’d. I was, actually, much more normal before he moved in. Or at least playing normal much more convincingly.
So it goes. I hope he doesn’t feel conned.
We still seem to be getting along fine, even though he’s decided I’m not normal.
What else? I got a new camera a few days ago, finally. It’s a DSLR; sexy but overwhelming. I’m kind of scared of it. I haven’t actually charged the battery and set it up yet.
But I will.
Filed under Blah, Domestica, Here Is The News, People, Work
Stuff I Did This Year
On previous December 31sts, I’ve posted a bullet-pointed list of things I did the preceding year.
In keeping with the strategy I adopted at the start of 2008 – which consisted of being lost but unconcerned (and liable for nothing), and then just, y’know, seeing what happened – I’m not going to do that this year. The resultant twelve months have been much too complex and chaotic for that.
Stuff certainly happened. That it all went spectacularly wrong in the final quarter makes it easy to forget what an eventful and, for the most part, legendary year it’s been. I made some awesome friends, brutally lost a couple of others (in one significant case, re-made and then re-lost, which was.. a bit upsetting), and had all kinds of adventures along the way.
Being lost but unconcerned, I started out with only one very minor concrete Goal: to make a second Mishukis album. In a single day. Then my computer died and all my internet accounts got hacked, and I went to Rainbow Serpent and witnessed the apocalypse. The liberator who destroyed my property realigned my perceptions, and even that humble project was forgotten; life took over.
In awesomeness terms, the whole thing peaked at Easter. It was all about the Smart Party (RIP, sigh), the return of baby sis, and reconciling with J & Henley (sigh, redux).
That awesomeness carried me all the way through winter, which – although not without its trials and dramas – pretty much went off.
Then, on my birthday, as triggered by the mother of all braincaving interpersonal trainwrecks, I dropped my LBU-LFN ball and the world turned. The following three months were discombobulated, angstridden, choronzonic, and Generally Completely Sucked.
There always has to be a meltdown at some point, apparently. Oh well.
I’m feeling a bit better now.
2008 was, see above, very significantly about people. Most notably my three successive housemates Cel, this woman, and Gr*ms*y; the SP, being Sims, Liv, Ramm, Allan (nominally), Porter (all too briefly), and this chick; my colleagues Henry & Wielgosz, Kinkel, Harrie, The Major, fucking Wouters, Kav, Cross, Interviewer 2003 and Coburg; also: the two Robins (just because neither are talking to me anymore doesn’t mean they don’t both rate a mention), Thad, Fr**kl*y, Em and Toots. Finally (again, and especially): G.
People are good. We’re problematic sometimes, but I like us.
Happy new year.
Filed under Art, Audio, Discombobulation, Drunkenness, Mysteries, Nothing, People, Photos, the walls are mushy
Shed Party / Coburg’s
Filed under Audio, Awesomeness, Benevolence, Drunkenness, Hate, Liable For Nothing, People, Photos, Self Analysis
Abort Abort etc
Filed under Audio, Ba-Boww, Current Affairs, Damage Control, Drunkenness, History, Liable For Nothing, People, Photos, Weblogs
