Category Archives: What Kind Of Fuckery Is This
Melbourne’s public transport ticket inspectors really are Nazis.
It’s certainly been a memorable one. I liked it much better than last year’s.
Prize for the best party guest who wasn’t there physically but came in essence goes to Wads. Prize for the most missed party absentee is a tie between Em and this chick. Prize for the best party guest who did attend physically, but who I unfortunately never actually got around to talking to is a three-way tie between Li, Kav, and The Major. Prize for the best (if maybe in hindsight somewhat regrettable) picture of a My Little Cthulhu Bunny goes to Magnus.
Prize for the most devastating headfuckery goes to my housemate & ex-fiancee. Prize for the most comically hypocritical abusive emails goes to Henley. Prize for the most awesome drunken deep & meaningful alleyway convo goes to Liv. I’m not sure what exactly to award the artist formerly known as Semi, but I suspect he deserves a prize of some kind – or that if he doesn’t now, he may well before too long.
Prize for the most broken nose goes to Luke. Prize for the most blood cheerfully & unsolicitedly cleaned up as a result of a broken nose goes to Harrie. Prize for the driest one-liners (always) and best wildlife photography goes to Ramm. Prize for the best shisha lesson goes to Nichk. Prize for the heterosexual male with the most sophisticated understanding of little girls’ pop music (and also the special award for getting locked in the enclosed garden off my bedroom by a
psycho chick person I’m sure is lovely once you get to know her, and then being too wasted to think of calling someone to let him out) goes to Grimsey.
Prize for the best nail-painting (and best former housemate ever) goes to Cel. Prize for the best hungover breakfast-making and tidying up goes to Kat. Prize for the oldest and most enduring friend goes to Bentendo. Prize for the best anonymous benefactor goes to whoever sent me the copy of M2M‘s second album I found in my mailbox yesterday.
Prize for the best present (y’know, apart from causing me to be born in the first place and shit) goes to my parents.
Prize for the best sister in the entire fucking world goes to this bitch.
Prize for the best mistress (and inexpressible amounts of gratitude & love) goes to Schnozzie.
I regret burning W******. And I wish I could have been a better friend to Gab.
But what I feel really terrible about is taking J out for what should – by all rights – have been a night of awesomeness, and then exposing her to all that horror. Last fucking thing on earth that she needed.
ION: Still need a B#6.
Today at 9:10am
Your status update sound news-full.
Today at 9:25am
So I post on her wall, right, saying thanks for a delightful afternoon (which it undoubtedly was, methinks, for all concerned) and reminding her to text me her new mobile no – which she was totally going to give me in person, but we just forgot about it.
That afternoon I get a text: “Don’t know if this will go thru, but if it does plz 2 no drunken late night texts, tay? :)”
(A few months ago, before she hacked my ass, but was very actively in the process of grinding the pieces of my shattered heart into the ground and treating me – with little or no sane justification – like the spawn of satan, there was a certain amount of angsty late-night drunken text messagery action on my part.)
Taking this in my stride, I replied: “OMG, the cheek!! I can make no promises. But tell you what – I will let you into my house, where my computer lives, without any fear of disastrous consequences and my mother being called a whore to boot, tay?! 😛 !! (<3)"
This was met with silence. I don’t think she realised her message was a joke.
I still like her, though.
So there I was, attending an uncivilised picnic in the park on Royal Parade, having a perfectly nice time & minding my own and a select handful of other peoples’ business when who should call me completely out of nowhere on my – which is to say, someone else‘s – mobile telephony device but the J-meister.
We hadn’t spoken in the voice since November, when I drunkenly and unsolicitedly facilitated her and Henley‘s first ever verbal exchange. She’s been in the country three weeks, apparently. Now she & the H-Dogg were in my hood. And they wanted to hang.
The tone of her voice didn’t make me feel like something she’d just scraped off her shoe, which was nice. So, throwing caution to the wind as I am wont to do on occasion, I went.
We met at Alia. We talked. We danced. A good time was had. It seems like we’re all friends now. Which is totally what I wanted, although if you’d asked me twelve hours ago I’d have said this outcome seemed less likely than [insert comedy incredibly unlikely occurrence which in practice will never ever happen here]. They’re totally coming to my housewarming and shit.
I don’t know what else to say about all of this, but if ever something seemed blogworthy etc.
Hooray for drugs; hooray for Jebus.
Despite my cynicism regarding his religion(s), I am a fan of the man’s work. That cunt was liable for nothing.