Category Archives: Photos
Random Pictures Of The Week Since I Got Back
Filed under Domestica, Drunkenness, Food, Here Is The News, Life, Nada Zero, People, Photos
New York (Four)
With D.
New York (Three)
With Bourkie “B. Jerky” Bourke.
New York (Two)
With DF & Kev.
Filed under Are You Hungry, Audio, Current Affairs, Drugs, People, Photos, Travel
New York (One)
With Nada.
Filed under Audio, Awesomeness, Discombobulation, People, Photos, Signs Of The Apocalypse, Travel
What Is This Thing?
I’ve been living here for three years, and it’s never even occurred to me to wonder what this thing is.
Timeslippage
I spent yesterday evening migrating to a new phone.
(I lost my iPhone in a taxi a few weeks ago. Deep down I wanted to lose it. It was cursed by association.)
It’s a Nokia 6300, the same phone I had from October ’07 to February ’08.
I bought it again because I liked the first one a lot. It was the first phone I’d owned with a vaguely decent camera, a voice recorder, substantial storage capacity, and the ability to talk to my computer. I captured a lot of audio and took a lot of pictures with it, and posted a lot of both here.
Thems were happy, phoenix-from-the-ashes times. Could Has Art. It was great.
There was a lot of acid around then. Maybe that was a factor. Who knows.
(The whole record-some-audio-take-a-picture blogging formula continued, in a more standardized way, through the subsequent winter via the MacBook I got when my eMac died, around the same time that Wouters – sick of hearing me whine about nasty text messages from J that I didn’t want to read – killed the aforementioned old Nokia by dropping it in a glass of bourbon & coke.
Different era, more complex & difficult, but in its own way equally good.
Then – in a seasonally trend-bucking turn of events – everything went to shit when Spring hit, and life stopped. Couldn’t Has Art.)
The phone died, but its memory card survived.
Going through all of that old media last night was reeaal interesting.
I think it’s time for some psychedelics.
I think it’s safe to say we have now officially passed through the gaping abyss of infinite horror.
We left the territory it represented without regret; it smelt of guano.
Life is.
ION: Chez Hagakure housewarming this Saturday, finally.
It will be good; you should come.
Blah
Freakley told me last night to turn my shittiness into art. Personal motto: “redeem garbage”, apparently. This is what she told me when we first met in early ’07, too.
“Make art!” she says.
She’s good like that.
Trouble is, my shittiness basically consists of an inability to put any meaningful form or shape around anything. Narrative failure. Everything seems completely empty and pointless. Whinge piss moan blah.
When I crash, I tear myself to pieces trying to Figure Myself And Everything Generally Out – metaphysical arms flailing comically – until I feel my sanity seriously starting to disintegrate. Then I give up, and just live vacantly from one atomized moment to the next.
There’s not much you can make from that. Got art? Well, no. That’s kind of the problem.
That said, this here blog was originally started in a bid to pull myself out of that void. And it totally worked, over time.
But the last two times I’ve been seriously down since then (mid ’06; mid ’07), I didn’t really talk about it much here. It seemed self-sabotaging to advertise it too explicitly. And also pointless. Natch.
I didn’t really socialise, either. This time I am, a bit. I worry that’s similarly self-sabotaging and is doing irrepairable damage to the relationships in question.
Contact with other people gives you (some) perspective, makes you feel less alone, and generally makes life a bit easier. All of which is nice.
But ultimately allowing people to see much of you when you’re like this just weakens you further. It just fuels the negative self image which is getting you so down in the first place.
“Hi, my existence is a gaping abyss of infinite horror; I feel completely worthless and useless, and I don’t really give a shit about anything except how useless and worthless I feel. Er.. how are you?” Doesn’t help.
Meh; I’m on the up, gradually.
I was really in hell a few months ago.
I’m not in hell now. Just – yeah – a big ol’ envoided vacuum of blah.
And I won’t be here forever.
Filed under Blah, History, People, Photos, Self Analysis
Filed under Adversity, Perseverence, Photos