Trysting Fields

Thailand (Two)

Ko Lanta, 28th January.

Bar Open With Toots

20th December.

She initiated this audio. That never happens. Crazy festive timez FTW!

In Other News

It's true.

Melbourne's public transport ticket inspectors really are Nazis.

Quelle surprise.

Birthday

It's certainly been a memorable one. I liked it much better than last year's.

Prize for the best party guest overall goes to Patrick. Prize for the most liable for nothing party guest is a three-way tie between Shane, The Sorcha, and, of course, Coburg.

Prize for the best party guest who wasn't there physically but came in essence goes to Wads. Prize for the most missed party absentee is a tie between Em and this chick. Prize for the best party guest who did attend physically, but who I unfortunately never actually got around to talking to is a three-way tie between Li, Kav, and The Major. Prize for the best (if maybe in hindsight somewhat regrettable) picture of a My Little Cthulhu Bunny goes to Magnus.

Prize for the most devastating headfuckery goes to my housemate & ex-fiancee. Prize for the most comically hypocritical abusive emails goes to Henley. Prize for the most awesome drunken deep & meaningful alleyway convo goes to Liv. I'm not sure what exactly to award the artist formerly known as Semi, but I suspect he deserves a prize of some kind - or that if he doesn't now, he may well before too long.

Prize for the most broken nose goes to Luke. Prize for the most blood cheerfully & unsolicitedly cleaned up as a result of a broken nose goes to Harrie. Prize for the driest one-liners (always) and best wildlife photography goes to Ramm. Prize for the best shisha lesson goes to Nichk. Prize for the heterosexual male with the most sophisticated understanding of little girls' pop music (and also the special award for getting locked in the enclosed garden off my bedroom by a psycho chick person I'm sure is lovely once you get to know her, and then being too wasted to think of calling someone to let him out) goes to Grimsey.

Prize for the best nail-painting (and best former housemate ever) goes to Cel. Prize for the best hungover breakfast-making and tidying up goes to Kat. Prize for the oldest and most enduring friend goes to Tally. Prize for the best anonymous benefactor goes to whoever sent me the copy of M2M's second album I found in my mailbox yesterday.

Prize for the best present (y'know, apart from causing me to be born in the first place and shit) goes to my parents.

Prize for the best sister in the entire fucking world bar none goes to this bitch.

Prize for the best mistress - and inexpressible amounts of gratitude & love - goes to Schnozzie.

Thanks, everyone.

It's All Over

So long, the so-called Real World. It was nice knowing you. In some aspects.

ION: O. M. F. G. Why was I not told about this?! (That's what I get for not reading the news, I guess.)

Chez Hagakure Red Wine & Homebrew Quiet Night In

With Luke.

Finally, Some Real News

That's more like it.

Best bit:

Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, "I've been raped by a wombat".

It is my ambition to be charged with this offense someday.

Update (Fri 4th). This guy is my new hero.

In Other News

Ms Fits has acknowledged my existence again. (Previously.)

There really is nothing left to live for.

(Except, y'know, art and shit.)

Personality Test Redux

(Previously.)

Recent Voicemail

It's All About The Facebook Status Updates At The Moment

They're funny.

The Age Is Killer With The One Liners

I just read an article from Melbourne's premier daily broadsheet which reports that Melbourne City Council has opted to cease hiring private investigators to patronise illegal brothels (and not in the sense of talking down to them inappropriately) for the purpose of busting said establishments.

It opened with the unforgettable line: "Melbourne City Council has decided to stop paying for sex."

Curiously enough, the story now seems to have been taken down. But I swear I saw it.

UPDATE - Thinking about it, surely such a practice would be completely illegal. Patronising illegal brothels.. is illegal. I wonder if the whole piece was some kind of prank.

Here Is An Audio Version Of That Comment

Greetings From Rainy Manchester

Vale Tript

*tips hat*

Sad day.

In other news, thank you to the anonymous person who ingeniously sent me this in a way I couldn't respond to:

If you are who I think you are - you're funny. And if I don't know you, that's even funnier.

Tell me - do you get curiously predictable headaches and phantom mice in your bed at 4am, too?

When Nada Met Bob

Don't Come To Our Party

Your loss, bitches.

Me: Hello. Do you have any of those compressed gas bulbs you use to make whipped cream?

Customer Service Technician In Large Sydney Road Catering Supplies Outlet [beaming in bland, vacant customer-servicery way]: Yes; yes, we do. One of our most popular consumables. Right over there. [indicates stock stand groaning under the weight of vast supplies of nitrous oxide bulbs]

~: Tell me, do you get a high volume of well dodgy-looking tweakers like us, who probably aren't actually employed in the catering industry at all, coming in and stocking up on massive quantities of these?

Customer Service Technician [absolutely without missing a beat]: Yes; yes, we do.

(And to that small handful of priveliged people who are coming tonight - see you soon; looking forward to it.)

Man, I Just, Like, Voted

I wasn't planning to originally, but Semi talked me into it on the grounds that the Greens will likely take some seats away from serious politicians, which is always a good cause. I hope he is having fun at Earthcore. I imagine that he is.

I just voted for the Greens whilst tripping on leftover cactus, partly in his honor. I'm sure Bob Brown (with whom I once shared a taxi, whilst dressed as a giant koala - i'm sure it wasn't just a dream) would not disapprove. I tried to imagine what John Howard would feel. I tried to imagine him feeling pain in some way. How I tried. But all I could see was him going "stupid hippies; ah well, *shrugs*, they will all self-destruct soon enough anyway", and not understanding at all. Which kind of pissed me off, but did at least make me feel like, in some obscure way, I had not done entirely the wrong thing.

Now I am trying to decide whether to watch The Dark Crystal again. I fell asleep before the end last time.

~ has suggested to me that the girl Gelfling ultimately dies; but I feel sure that this cannot be the whole truth. Henson and Oz would not do that to me. They would not dare.

I will watch their silly movie, in any case. They can bring it. Doesn't matter if the chick dies; the whole healed-crystal thing redundifies such petty concerns.

Yes, it does.

Some Days It's Great To Be Alive

Have a nice funeral, fuckhead.

Sure hope no one accidentally drops a cluster bomb on it, killing your entire extended family and anybody who ever gave two shits about you.

Just kidding! Actually, I hope someone does. That would be funny as hell.

(To give him his due, it's true he certainly had quite the way with words...)

Now please excuse me, dear readers; serious drinking etc

Splendiferous weekend wishes to you all!

Recent Correspondence

From: Trysting Fields Central Communications
To: JoBean
Date: 8 November 2006 10:45:32 PM

> :D  I have enough trouble coming up with my own posts, m'dear.
> And you want me think of topics for you as well?

You seem to be doing okay.. slow but not short of content

> How about the fact that I went into a pet shop the other day and saw
> me some kittens.

You want me to post on *my* blog about what *you've* been up to? Tript's right.

> Yay kitten season!  

Yay! I saw two cats fucking for the first time ever the other night; it was well surreal and shit

Everything is surreal at the moment; I blame the racing carnival

I was saying to LJ this morning: the streets are filled with outrageously drunk women in slutty dresses and ridiculous hats; singing, getting into fights, throwing up, falling over

At all hours of the day and night

No one bats an eye, that's standard in Melbourne at this time of year

Freewheeling, zany-ass city that we are

I was trying to sell Melbourne to her

Do you think that will work?

> You should call  those places again if you  want  one  :D

Thanks for the tip :P

heh

But too busy! Too busy!

I have to catch up on Adam's blog too, I haven't read it for ages and ages and ages; his posts are gold but they're too long

So much to do! So little weed. Indeed none at all; it's becoming unacceptable

Get it sorted, "Johana"

Honestly, sometimes I wonder why we are still friends

You never send me flowers, you never have any weed when *I* need it

We may have to see about your license to practice if this whack continues

Much love,

T

Planning / Love

Scary, Scary, Don't We Look Mean

(via The Wild Hunt.)

What Mishuki said.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Life Is Good

nb clever peripheral utilization may or may not reveal secret hidden messages

Life is good.

Nurture Naturewhat mean or arrange strengths client too challenges or Jessica redo felt time undone endless management seminars is tried processes or gadgets or organize constantly frustrated none talked junior midcareer Adhd mba somehow.

Is it me, or is spam just getting weirder and weirder and weirder?

I mean seriously.. wtf?

From: "addict."
Date: 26 October 2006 8:42:53 AM
To: teigan@trystingfields.com
Subject: confirmed react poorly

Rory Singer Kendall Grove Haynes Observer Simple welcomes a feedback of sources Newsthe these am reproduced a without rt. Rory Singer Kendall Grove Haynes Observer Simple welcomes a feedback of sources Newsthe these am reproduced a without rt.
Nurture Naturewhat mean or arrange strengths client too challenges or Jessica redo felt time undone endless management seminars is tried processes or gadgets or organize constantly frustrated none talked junior midcareer Adhd mba somehow.
Card importance Onstar tty job engineer Powertrain person deaf interest invehicle.
Shout Skinner Tourlee a Sharpes Cupalone blogblog Fcmichael Owen diarykasey Keller diaryworld in Brazilian Talkreal in Lifejoys Sorrows Riccos mileage fabulous is Relief bloggers in Challenge Lawro.
Proclaim Region xbbethics Vows of Combat xbbfishing in Carl Safina is sea Marinelife Knowing of Universe Detail Except Pesky Unearthed Syria Hint Ancient Burial Rituals Link Aids of.
Trademark Llcprices errors Conditions Zealands source rugby cricket Stufftrade Mefind Someoneold Wednesday nz Newsworld is Blacks Nations Diaryyour Saypeoples am Homeabout Fairfax Zealand is copyright or Deans task picking.
Webcasts am Listen wantfor Centerthe sell a addins Express Easily Toys in Studio developer is painpoints diagnose css am Story Directd Careers Detroit of gm Fastlane Lutzgm Chevys Jimmie or Johnsonby Alba Colongm.
Favorby a Jonathan Glaterwith of rising tuition private or loans courting hopes am steer students waymore in Limits Samesex ap.
Home Salute of our Fair a Resources of Camps Garden Personals am Social Residental Inns Lodges Weddings or week Inside xbbsports am xbbbooks xbbthe Biologist Seareaders Herbert Obamameat Labels or Lure lay Landpbs tv.
Abundance of xbbok Sexy Designat Realm or Political or Animalsfor Latinos Familiar Faces Friendly xbbat Crossroads Sporty Suvford Wheelspin Fast Entrance Exam Rookie Trying Contain Lawyersis Baghdad xbbart Socit.

There needs to be a punchline here of some kind but I just... I don't know what it is.

We Went To The Victoria Markets On Saturday

And we bought:

A cherry-flavoured cigar!

Calamari!

Three feet of San Pedro Cactus!

Aaand - thanks to an anonymous tipoff - we also acquired from this Asian grocery...

.. Red Bull concentrate!

For $2.80 a bottle, complete with nutritional information:

Sor'ed!

I Went To A Soccer Match Yesterday

I actually worked at Telstradome for a period last year, but I had never been to any kind of football game before in my life.

It was pretty cool. That said, it's conceivable I only found it to be as such because I was half-tripping on mushies, something else I have never done before.

Absolutely true story: on our way to catch the tram going out, we passed a guy who tried to hit us for change. When we said no, he looked me straight in the eye and shouted "magic mushrooms!" before going back to reaming the coin dispensers on a bank of public phones.

~ assures me I was not visibly fucked up in any way at all.

Fucker.

But in retrospect... awesome!

Don't Y'all Be Looking So Smug Now

Did Lady J send you this picture?

Did she then give you permission to post said picture to your blog?

No?

Be grateful that I am so generously inclined to share.

(Sometimes.)

Dear Billie,

I don't know if you're familiar with my Amazon wishlist. But if you are, you'll know that I've lately been looking to reacquire your first album, which I originally bought - much to my girlfriend at the time's disgust and bemusement - from the Tottenham Court Road Virgin Megastore shortly after it came out in 1998.

It was an indulgent, impulsive and kind of silly purchase.

I'd thought Because We Want To was a brilliant, stunning, classic, etc pop song. (And the way everyone just instinctively knew, well in advance of its release, that it was going to go in at number one and dethrone #$&% Three Lions '98 was a thing of beauty.)

But, y'know, I'd listened to most of your record on listening posts, and didn't actually even think it was really all that great.

I was basically a snobby indie kid. And besides, I didn't like you as much as B*Witched (whose LP, conversely, was the fucking bomb - and could legitimately be said to have changed my life, in a subtle kind of way).

But there was just Something About You. The way you stared piercingly out of the sleeve from under your hair, a paragon of innocent knowingery; and the matching combination you displayed in interviews of unquestionably genuine irrepressible-15-year-old-witnessing-all-her-dreams-coming-true wonderment and an equally unfakeable worldly-wise, seen-it-all intelligence. (And your tits. I liked your tits, also.)

You were just too cool.

And, hey, there were some nice songs on there. I Dream I'm Dancing remains a staple to this day. Honey To The Bee. Couple of good songs.

Sadly, that copy was stolen along with almost all my other CDs a few years later. Somehow, inexplicably, yours felt like one of the ones I was most gutted to lose, even though I could only ever have played it all the way through maybe five or six times.

Flash forward half a decade or so to a couple months ago and I'm watching an early episode of the excellent new series of Dr Who. And I suddenly decide that I want it back. You can't get all the tracks online anymore. I put it on my wishlist.

Late last week, finalising my previous eBay CD purchase, it occurs to me to search for it, and I find a copy - of the original UK release, with Because We Want To and Girlfriend tracked first, as it should be (although, you know, the US order works, too) - going for 99p, no bids, expiring in four hours. I grab it.

Today it arrived, extraordinarily quickly. I was really thrilled; much more so than I expected to be.

So I bring it inside, and whilst ripping it to the eMac, idly pull your Wikipedia page.

Try to imagine my surprise and delight as my eyes are scanning the opening line of the entry and relay to my brain the hitherto un(consciously)known fact that today is your birthday!

Happy 24th, Billie. Hope you're having a great one.

Love your work.

Very best wishes,

Teigan

Remember, As You Stare Into The Lettuce..

...the lettuce stares also into you.

"The Nietzschean diet has its critics. Detractors say the diet's actual nutritional requirements are vague, that it provides no concrete plan for progression toward weight-loss targets, and that the book consists mostly of unclear and unusually harsh sets of inspirational logical lacunae."

(via Technoccult.)